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2011: The Year We Became The United States Of Trolling
Well, that about wraps up yet another shitty year of the new millennium. I don't know about you, but I personally can't wait to see what future shitty years have in store: rising water prices, a sharp growth in armed RoHoWa militias, a new Pitbull album ... everything shitty is on the table, people....
Never Hook Up In A Bunk Bed
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
The Winter Of A-Rod Continues: He's Dating A Wrestler/Playboy Model/Muscly Blonde
We always suspected Rodriguez's "blood-spinning treatment" was just a metaphor for nailing another toned blonde off the A-Rod girlfriend assembly line. (Hair color can be artificial, and come to think of it, so can the muscles.) Rodriguez has been out and about with Torrie Wilson, a grande dame of p...
Prince Fielder And Tim Lincecum Want Long-Term Deals, Andrew Bailey Is Thinking Music, And More From Around The Hot Stove
Your roundup of all the hottest hot-stove items of the day (and whatever shit Ken Rosenthal is throwing against the wall). This is ... HOT FUCKING STOVE!...
This Guy Died This Year: Bil Keane, Comics Paterfamilias
Bil Keane was known, among his fellow professional cartoonists, as a funny, funny man. His life's work, in The Family Circus, was to hide that fact from as many people as possible. Day after day, decade after decade, The Family Circus delivered the mildest gags imaginable—observational humor minus t...
The 11 Worst Grantland Long Reads Of 2011
11. Wesley Morris, "On Brady's Hair"...
Break Out The Flat Top: Greg Ostertag Is Making A Comeback In The D-League
Without cheating, guess how long Greg Ostertag has been retired? It was only five years ago, when an out-of-shape Ostertag was playing limited minutes behind Mehmet Okur and mentoring a young Kris Humphries. But it's been even longer since he was effective, and longer than that since he played for a...
Watch Claude Giroux Set Up A Goal With A Pass To Himself Off The Boards
Giroux said he had tested the boards at the St. Pete Times Forum during the Flyers' morning skate, and he puts what he discovered to the test here, to dazzling effect. The subsequent shot Giroux took bounced right to teammate Scott Hartnell for a goal. Which is all well and good. The Lightning sti...
Neighbors Don't Like It When Neighbors Use People Poop As Fertilizer
"There's a huge difference between using fertilizer and using human feces that's been treated with different chemicals," Bill Schaffhouser tells NBC Philadelphia's Stacy Stauffer. "This stuff will end up in the food and meat they eat, the milk they drink…this is a real issue." [NBC10]...
Here's A Canadian Road-Rage Street Fight That Ends With A Handshake And An Attaboy
Dude runs up to a fellow motorist's ride with anger in his soul. The video, it doesn't show what precipitated confrontation on what's possibly an Ottawa street. Maybe he stopped short. Maybe other guy hit him unexpectedly....
Today In Insane Sentences: Rex Ryan Tells Stephen A. Smith That Peyton Manning Won't Replace Mark Sanchez
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Coach stays positive on the Sanchize....
A Plea For TV Networks To Show People Running Onto The Field
Big thank you to Drew for letting me guest this Funbag. Normally my day is filled with exploiting my elderly father for money (see: Shit My Dad Says), so it was a welcome diversion. I also used to write for the TV show of the same name, until America was like, "GOD FUCKING STOP THIS SHIT TAKE IT OFF...
30 Paragraphs About 30 Teams From The Basketball Prospectus Guide To The Truncated NBA Season
The following is an abridged preview of an abridged NBA season, culled from the team chapters of the ever-incisive Pro Basketball Prospectus. Buy the book as a PDF for $9.98. ...
What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums Last Year?
As in past years, the Sun Sentinel has created a searchable database of emergency room visits around the country. And as in past years, we have trolled the data for the finest examples of insertions showcasing extraordinarily bad luck and/or ingenuity. ...
Brandon Jacobs To Rex Ryan: "It's Time To Shut Up, Fat Boy"
Eh, it just might be. Jets lost to Jacobs's Giants, 29-14. [via Mike Garafolo]...
Yorvit Torrealba Spread The Holiday Spirit By Slugging A Venezuelan League Umpire
Rangers catcher Yorvit Torrealba is spending the offseason playing for his hometown Leones del Caracas of the Venezuelan League, and after missing badly for strike three took his frustrations out on the umpire in an ugly way. It was, if my Spanish is correct, one of two attacks on the home plate u...
Here's How Dan Orlovsky (With The Help Of The Houston Texans) Ruined Christmas For Colts Fans
Down 16-12 to the Houston Texans with 1:50 left in the game, no timeouts, and the ball on their own 22, the Indianapolis Colts would have been heavy dogs to win even with Peyton Manning playing quarterback. But win they did, thanks to the heroics of backup-backup QB Dan Orlovsky and some timely pe...
Dutch Soccer Has A Fan Problem
Predictably, in the aftermath of AZ Alkmaar keeper Esteban Alvarado being attacked by a fan, defending himself, then being sent off, the focus is on Alvarado's and the referee's actions. The Dutch FA has ruled that while the referee was correct in showing a red card, Alvarado will not receive the ma...
Dutch Cup Match Halted After Fan Attacks Opposing Goalkeeper Who Gets Red-Carded For Fighting Back
In American football, players who take down fans who invade the field during play are celebrated....
Everything's Bigger In Texas, Except When You Get Posterized By North Carolina's P.J. Hairston
Texas guard Julien Lewis is 6'3", and should probably know better than to try and stop North Carolina 6'6" freshman star P.J. Hairston. But he didn't, and it's to all of our benefit to be able to watch. [ESPN]...