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Professional Sports Reaches Its Apogee: Drunken Little Person Berates Red Sox Fan
What's the only thing better than an intoxicated Rays fan — who happens to be a little person — threatening to fight a fat Red Sox fan? When somebody catches it on video....

An Ode To The Bleeders
Mike Tyson was scared of his own blood. Bullies always hate to see themselves bleed. Other guys, the underdogs or the underskilled, are perfectly content to bathe in it. Blood is boxing's baptism....

Mentos-And-Coke Car Propels Us Into The Future
Two mad geniuses have invented a rocket car, powered only by the dark magic of Mentos and soda. It's already the second-most popular vehicle class in the country, ahead of open-wheeled racing....

Intern Horrors: A Reds Broadcaster Does His Best To Ruin Eric Davis Bobblehead Night
Welcome back to Intern Horrors, a weekly feature in which interns (and the people who hire them) get to complain. Today, there's a Cincinnati Red showing his true colors (it's envy!), a desk befouled, the depths of desperation, and our first badtern....

Extravagantly Choreographed Marriage Proposal Hits The Internet
Here's a painfully adorable marriage proposal in Madison Square Park — complete with dance number, of course — because no human milestone can be reached any longer without someone making a viral video. [@richarddeitsch]...

In Honor Of Memorial Day Weekend, Here's A Children's Treasury Of People Failing At The Art Of BBQ
Memorial Day is great: it's the unofficial beginning of summer, Jurassic Park 2 comes out if it's 1997, Saving Private Ryan is on somewhere, swimming in public bodies of water becomes socially acceptable again, and barbecue. All the wonderful barbecue....

Where Not To Go This Vacation Season
SeaWorld has two pregnant Orcas; both carrying the children of Tilikum, who put the killer in Killer Whale....

A-Rod Ignores Unwritten Rule About Reveling In Near-Death Of Opponent
David Huff thanked Alex Rodriguez for going to visit him in the hospital after A-Rod's line drive nearly broke Huff's brain. That's not how they do things in the 209! In the 209, they would have urinated on Huff's prone body! [Facebook]...

In Honor Of Memorial Day, Here's A Photo Of A Marine With Sarah Palin Tattooed On His Ass
That butt belongs to Gunnery Sgt. Benjamin "Gus" Lepping, an explosive ordnance disposal tech serving in Afghanistan. Reasoning: "What could be better than getting a tattoo of the hottest cougar in the Republican Party?" [Battle Rattle]...

Gary Coleman Dead at 42, 4'8"
Gary Coleman, the former child star of Diff'rent Strokes and California gubernatorial candidate has passed away after suffering a brain hemorrhage. [People, East Bay Express]...

The One Where The Elon Baseball Team Will Fight You Over Anything
We get a massive amount of tips in our inbox each week. Some are pretty interesting, but don't get published for one reason or another....

Watch The Citadel And Elon University Baseball Teams Pound Each Other Mercilessly
Last night, Dash clued you in to the epic brawl between The Citadel and Elon's baseball teams. Here's the video for all of you that were too lazy to click a link. Tuck in that shirt while you're at it....

Alvin Gentry Loses His Lunch (And Now No One Is Hungry)
What is going on with sports TV tonight? Someone must have spiked his porkchop....

The Strange Saga Of Denver's Freestyle-Skiing, Group-Sexing Alleged Pimp
Some athletes retire and open up a car wash or a money-management joint. Scottie Ewing, former BMX rider and professional freestyle skier, skipped the pretense altogether: He opened up a swingers club in Denver. And maybe moonlighted as a pimp....

Argentine National Team Given Go-Ahead To Hump Its Way To World Cup Glory
Argentina's World Cup doctor says the squad will be allowed to sleep with "regular partners...without champagne or other drinks" during the tournament since sex is "not a problem in itself." Given recent events, Maradona's response to this news will be exquisite. [iAfrica.com]...

Mushroom Tea Murder: Man Removes Friend's Still-Beating Heart
After taking psychedelic mushrooms, a California man gouged out his MMA training partner's heart, eyes and tongue, all while he was still alive. Witness testimonies detail the two men's increasing paranoia as it spiraled out of control....

This Is What Orson Welles Sounds Like When He's Drunk
Here's a delightful set of outtakes from a Welles commercial for Paul Masson wines. As the old adage says: If the check clears, Orson Welles'll shill for your crappy products, but don't expect him to be sober doing it. [Pursuitlist via NYMag]...

PR Guy Gets A Little Handsy With TV Reporter
Click to view All Dan Noyes wanted to do was interview a woman about a hospital gift fund. He was rudely intercepted by the hospital's very touchy-feely communications director. Unstoppable force, immovable object, etc. Video after the jump. [SFGate, video via Today's Big Thing]...

Taunting Tony Horton The Day After He Slit His Wrists: A Cleveland Fan Repents
The following is excerpted from Top of the Order: 25 Writers Pick Their Favorite Baseball Player of All Time, edited by Sean Manning and featuring essays by Matt Taibbi, Stefan Fatsis, and others. Here's Scott Raab, writing about former Indian Tony Horton....