x Page 967 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Mike Timlin Will Take Care Of Your Ballpark Rat Problem
As long as Red Sox pitcher Mike Timlin is alive, Heidi Watney will never go hungry. Hope you enjoy squirrel, Heidi. You mean to say that hawk was a lovable team mascot? Sorry, my bad. Now, watch me shoot an apple off of a teammate's head. Damn it, hold still Youkilis! From Timlin's bio: ...
New White Sox Danger: Shaving Cream Pies to the Face
And you thought Ozzie Guillen was all the White Sox had to fear in the locker room. Backup catcher Toby Hall is recovering after Jermaine Dye blocked his attempted pie to the face. Does anyone ever wonder where all these pies come from in baseball locker rooms? How many times have you had extra pie...
College Football Previews: #14 Texas Tech
Today's Texas Tech preview of pirate head coach Mike Leach is brought to you by Stephen Hagen. He's a Texas Tech alum and he hates A&M with unmitigated fury. So with only ten days until kickoff, enjoy his preview. Also, again, I'd like to apologize to all the people who wrote in requesting to do a p...
Margarito Questions De La Hoya's Machismo
By the grace of God it doesn't appear that Oscar de la Hoya and Manny Pacquiao will be able to settle on financial terms for a proposed fight. This means that the door has re-opened (albeit by a crack) for the possibility of a real farewell fight against Antonio Margartio. Of course it should come ...
Robots In Spandex, Sleeping Until Noon And Falling On Your Ass
Once upon a time, a site called The Black Table had a regular feature entitled Waxing Off, in which women gathered in an online roundtable to discuss issues of the day, and also to make fun of Will Leitch's shoes. And so we got to thinking: With so many great female sports bloggers out there, why no...
Sushi Coming to Texas High School Football; Buzz Bissinger Seriously Displeased
Stop laughing Missouri fans. Sushi is coming to Southlake Carroll—Heisman Trophy candidate Chase Daniel's high school. I'm told that's him, #4, celebrating his state championship. Predictably the decision is being met with marketing difficulties. "I always pitch it as healthier chicken nuggets," Da...
Kelly Clarkson, Drunk At A Red Sox Game Once Again
Here's a backward-hatted Kelly Clarkson and friends doing what true Red Sox fans do best: consuming beer and singing Sweet Caroline at Fenway. (Should it concern us that she's off key?). Hey, just be glad it isn't Ben Affleck and Jimmy Fallon. Red Sox Monster, which seems to be a bit overly fasci...
Epic Squander: Red Sox, Rangers Entertain The Masses
I propose uninstalling this scoreboard now and preserving it in a museum. People of the future are going to want to study it, and it has to be the real thing; no one is going to believe the photos. Future kid: "Dad, how did this one team almost blow a 10-run, first inning lead?" Future Dad: "It's th...
Did The White Sox Just Win The Central?
So the White Sox lost Jose Contreras for the season on Saturday in a loss to Boston, falling out of first in the Central. That made Sunday's contest somewhat more than your run-of-the-mill game. And Chicago's 6-5, come-from-behind win over the Red Sox just may have put them back into first place for...
You Taste Of America, Jason Lezak
There's no better motivation for an American in the Olympics than Frenchy getting in your face and predicting victory. "I will let you go, Ricky. But first, I want you to say ... 'I love crepes.' " Jason Lezak outsprinted Alain Bernard of France in the anchor leg as the U.S. men — Michael Phelps, Ga...
Diseased Poon Not Good For Fellow Olympians
Mama always said bad poon could spread diseases. According to sources, Canadian swimmer Victoria Poon has come down with chicken pox and is now being quarantined at a hospital in Beijing. Commence poon jokes....now....
Boo Boo Is On His Way
Olympic boxing is by no means an indicator of future success at the sport's professional level, although often times it does serves as a showcase for an elite athlete's rise to prominence. The biggest name to arise from the '04 Olympics was England's young lightweight sliver medalist Amir Khan, who...
NFL News and Notes
The news out of Denver is that linebacker Louis Green has been released from the hospital after being carted off the field during the Broncos pre-season game against the Texans. After a serious collision with teammate DJ Williams in the first quarter, Green hit the ground and lay motionless while be...
Contreras Injury a Blow To Chicago
It was the Sox Bowl Part II as the Red ones took on the White ones. And you know what happens when you put Red Sox in the mix with White Sox (besides all your shit turning pink). You get some pretty good baseball. Big Papi busted his slump with a three-rub double off the wall in Boston's 6-2 win ove...
Shocking Indecency, Kiss Cams And The Natural Aphrodisiac That Is Peyton Manning
Once upon a time, a site called The Black Table had a regular feature entitled Waxing Off, in which women gathered in an online roundtable to discuss issues of the day, and also to make fun of Will Leitch's shoes. And so we got to thinking: With so many great female sports bloggers out there, why no...
NFL Season Preview: Houston Texans
We're less than a month away from the start of the NFL season, so it's time to start the impassioned season previews from various writers, bloggers, diehard fans, cooks, TV personalities, and numerous other walks of life whom consider football the only sport worth watching. This year, the previews w...
How Many Cheerleaders Can a University of Texas Elevator Hold?
If you said 26, you're the big winner. Spirit fingers all around. Y'all rock. Only, it seems when you get 26 cheerleaders into one elevator, the elevator stops working. And then cheerleaders start to pass out. Which sort of impacts the fun. How much do you want to bet that when the girls got out, th...
New Battle Cry In The Yankees-Red Sox Rivalry: You Are Hereby Served
A feud that broke out at Yankee Stadium last year between a group of Yankees fans and a Red Sox fan is being resolved in old-school fashion; with the Red Sox fan taking the issue to court. Wait, what? You heard that right, you Bronx ruffians. Let that be a lesson to you. ...
Ozzie Guillen Forgets Sometimes That He's Talking Out Loud
Hold onto something because this is going to shock you: Ozzie Guillen admitted on Sunday that he sometimes instructs his pitchers to hit people. In related news, the Pope admits a fondness for large hats. But while this may be the world's worst-kept secret, it's a surprising bit of candor, even for ...
Another Unfortunate Night For Super Judah
Personally, I blame Affliction. That douchey brand is intent on draping every fighter in that crap, and now it's forced Zab Judah's signature Star of David to a small space near the inseam of his shorts. And now Super Judah's career as a title contender is almost certainly over. Of course some crap...