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Bottoms Up, Hawkeyes: Ruminations On Metrodome Bathroom Sex, Plus, How To Make A Bull Gator
Time for another edition of Waxing Off, the feature born of that venerable site The Black Table and carried over here and given a sporty new coat of paint. This week we've asked five talented female writers to ruminate on: Lois Feldman and the Iowa Hawkeye Metrodome Sexcapade....
And Here Are Your Nominees For Playboy's Sexiest Sportscaster of the Year
So the nominees for Playboy's 2009 Sexiest Sportscaster have been unveiled — 30 in all — and besides the usual suspects (Andrews, Lindsay Soto, Krista Voda), there are quite a few additions this year. One of which is Michelle Beisner of the NFL Network, who received unfortunate notoriety two years a...
Plaxico Burress: Second Amendment Martyr
Well, here's a new take on the Plaxico situation. "Policy analyst" David Kopel has an editorial in today's Wall Street Journal, arguing that Plaxico Burress has been wronged. Not because he faces three-and-a-half years in Attica for what is essentially a victimless crime. (If you're not counting his...
Jamboroo, Week 14. Featuring Enhanced TV Graphics, The Hollywood Knights, Anthrax, And The TPIR Mountain Climber
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs, well, every Thursday afternoon during the NFL season. Drew's new book, "Men With Balls," featuring 100% new material, is available in stores and online here, and makes a lovely Christmas gift for the chronic masturbator in your life. You ...
Plaxico Burress Saga Turning Into Awful Russian Novel
This web of lies that is surrounding Plaxico Burress and his ventilated right thigh just keeps getting wider and stickier. As of this morning, it has now ensnared his wife, two doctors, an entire hospital, half of New York's backfield, and the guy who lights the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center....
Will Anyone Be Able To Keep America's Sideline Princess from Being a Two-Time Champion?
So, tomorrow at some point, Playboy will supposedly announce who this year's contestants for their 2009 Sexiest Sportscaster of the year award. Last year's winner, of course, was Ms. Andrews who was still in the middle stages of Erin Andrewsness. Could her popularity hurt her chances this year? It m...
In The Club With Antonio Pierce
In case you missed it last night, Burress was suspended by the New York Giants and placed on the non-injury football list, costing him about $27 million in unpaid salary (plus fines.) The fact that he is not on an NFL roster may also make it easier for the prosecutors to hit him with that very large...
Colbert: It's High Time The Government Stays Out Of Our Sweatpants
If you think you've considered all angles of the Plaxico Burress story, think again. Stephen Colbert provides food for thought in this segment from Tuesday's Colbert Report, in which he asks the perfectly reasonable question, why should a consensual act between a man and his semiautomatic Glock hand...
Plaxico Burress Suspended For The Rest Of The Season
The New York Giants waited until the very end of the day to announce that Plaxico Burress will in fact be placed on the "non-football injury list." This is effectively a suspension that removes him from the Giants roster for the remainder of the regular season and the playoffs, and (unlike injured r...
Jon Stewart Reports That Sweatpants Do Not Make A Good Holster
I'm a little surprised that The Daily Show didn't break in with weekend coverage of the Plaxico Burress story; the whole thing seems cobbled by comedy elves just for Jon Stewart. Finally on Monday he was able to jump on it, and while not as good as Dash's efforts on this story, Stewart did not disap...
Breaking!: Plaxico Burress May Have A Sore Leg
An urgent SportsCenter update has just informed the world that Plaxico Burress showed up to work today, less than 24 hours after facing the horrors of central booking at the One Seven. The notorious skel (hey, I've seen NYPD Blue) reported to the Giants training facility this morning, per team rules...
Drew Rosenhaus Is A Master At The Art of Circumlocution
The Deadspin Morning Video Wake Up Call will return through the holidays. If you have any suggested videos to fill this space, email us. Subject: Morning Video Wake Up Call....
Shatner's Short-Term Red Sox Memory, Sabathia And Manny Head Arbitration List, And Everyone Wants To Buy The Cubs
• He's Also Not Very Good At Fractions. Come with us now as William Shatner is tested for Alzheimer's on an episode of Boston Legal. He does great when asked about the 1967 Red Sox, but he's a little confused at the question "Who is the best Red Sox pitcher this season?" To which he answers, "Josh P...
Alex Rodriguez's Madonna Problem Is Not Going Away
Even though we covered — okay I did — the crap out of the original rumors about Madonna and Alex Rodriguez's alleged relationship over the summer, there's been little else to say about it. Partially because the initial rumors seemed entirely implausible and preposterous. Most of that coverage was su...
Gun Safety Tips From Plaxico Burress
If you're looking for a bedtime story for your children tonight, may we suggest the felony criminal complaint of one Plaxico M. Burress. (It needs the initial, don't you think?) It's very short, but also very compelling and there's a life lesson in there for all of us. Namely, put down the wine befo...
It'll Only Seem Like An Eternity
I know that you'll probably lose the deposit, but some of you Red Sox fans may want to ditch your previous choice for your eternal resting place and go with this, the Red Sox Casket offered at Rockland Funeral Home. Spend eternity in the loving embrace of the Sox, which is more than Manny ever did. ...
"Wonderful Boyfriend" Makes Up Other Half Of Iowa Bathroom Sex Team
A thought occurred to me this weekend—we all know the face and identity of the the um ... "unfortunate" woman who got it on with a complete stranger in a Metrodome bathroom while her husband sat in the seats not wondering what was taking so long. (It helps that she's now given two interviews to loca...
College Football Roundup: Every Game Counts...Except When They Don't and Texas Gets Messed With
Oklahoma beat Oklahoma State late Saturday night 61-41. This score was enough to vault the Sooners ahead of Texas in the BCS Standings and, as a result, send them into the Big 12 Title Game against Missouri courtesy of the fifth tiebreak. (The sixth tiebreak was, in a nice nod to BCS totalitariianis...
Plaxico Burress Takes The Perp Walk
A loyal Deadspin reader who we will call "Ray," waited out the 17th Precinct in Midtown Manhattan today to catch one of the most time-honored traditions in sports—the athlete perp walk. Citizen journalism!...
Plaxico Burress Update: He Still Has A Hole In His Leg
Do you remember a couple of years ago when Dick Cheney shot that guy and the basic facts of story were so utterly ridiculous that all you had to do was say "The Vice President of the United States shot a man in the face" and that counted as both a joke and a serious analysis of the situation? That's...