yard-abandonment Page 1 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Local Columnist Woefully Out Of His Element
One possible explanation for the existence of this Albany (Georgia) Herald column, in which Carlton Fletcher fields all the questions a “female person” might have watching her first baseball game, could be that it was accidentally sucked through a wormhole decades ago and finally reappeared on Sept....
<i>Washington Post</i> Op-Ed: John McCain Will Haunt Donald Trump Into Defeat From The Mirror Dimension
An increasingly prominent part of my life in 2018 is the urge to grab and cling onto anything that seems, even a little bit, like it might be the thing that Finally Defeats Donald Trump. No small portion of my day is spent managing my relationship to that urge, struggling against its downward pull, ...
Is This The Dumbest-Ass Shit Anyone Has Ever Written About Richie Incognito?
Stuck down at the bottom of Andy Benoit’s latest column for The MMQB is this short blurb reflecting on the retirement of offensive lineman Richie Incognito:...
Terrible Columnist Argues Bill Cosby Is Not A Rapist Because She Liked <i>The Cosby Show</i>
Without hyperbole, we have found one of the worst major-newspaper columns since Mark Whicker left the yard....
ESPN Is Bringing Back Hank Williams Jr.
Hank Williams Jr., a man who has served for decades as living proof of just how far you can go in America simply by sharing a name with your more talented father, is returning to ESPN’s Monday Night Football broadcast to open the show with his “Are You Ready For Some Football?” theme song....
Where Does Phil Mushnick's Wordbarf Rank Among Awful Sports Columns?
Phil Mushnick's "Adrian Peterson is a thug and at fault for his son's death" column is bad. Really bad. But is it worse than the reigning champion of instantly appalling sports columns, Mark Whicker's "Here's what Jaycee Dugard missed in sports while she was imprisoned and raped in a backyard shed f...
Your Regular Reminder That Phil Mushnick Is A Race-Baiting Troll
Professional shithead Phil Mushnick is at it again, opining in his unbelievable-even-for-the-Post column that Adrian Peterson deserves some blame for the beating death of his 2-year-old son, a son that until recently he didn't know he had....
Joba Chamberlain's Freak Trampoline Accident Is Just Like Brien Taylor Getting In A Bar Fight
All the pieces fit, don't they? Strangely spelled first names, injured pitchers...actually, that's about it. Don't let that stop you though, Bill Madden. According to Madden, Chamberlain had a "death wish for his career." So, it makes all the sense in the world that he finally pulled it off at some...
Fox San Diego Sports Anchor Implies Danica Patrick Is A Bitch
Ross Shimabuku, Fox 5 San Diego's current sports anchor could teach a master class in subtlety. Of course, no one would know a thing about what "subtlety" means, but the arts are a dying skill anyway....
Here's The Tim Tebow And 9/11 Connection You Never Thought Anyone Was Dumb Enough To Make
Tebowmania died Saturday night, but not before Stu Bykofsky of the Philadelphia Daily News went there in his column on Friday:...
Idiot Columnist Writes Idiot Column About Ovechkin And Steroids
John Steigerwald—he of the "Bryan Stow deserved to get beaten into a coma" column—is at it again. This time the Washington (Pa.) Observer-Reporter observer/reporter sets his poorly-focused sights on Alexander Ovechkin. Since his numbers have taken a dip, and also a steroid doctor who Ovechkin has ne...
Seven-Time Ohio Columnist Of The Year Wonders If Maybe Students Didn't Enjoy Being Sexed By Their Teacher
Paul Daugherty, in addition to having a regular gig on SI.com, has been a sports columnist at the Cincinnati Enquirer for a long, long time. So long that they've given him a daily "write about whatever shit you want to" column, which appears to run with minimal editing....
Idiot Utah Sports Columnist More Or Less Calls Amar'e Stoudemire A Dumb Negro
Doug Robinson, the resident paste-eating troglodyte at the Deseret News, has gone and written a truly remarkable column this week....
All My Rowdy Friends Are Coming Over Kristallnacht (UPDATE WITH VIDEO)
Hank Williams Jr., who exists solely to remind us that genius skips a generation, has some thoughts on John Boehner playing golf with Barack Obama: “That would be like Hitler playing golf with Netanyahu. Not hardly. In the shape this country is in?” [Huffington Post]...
Djokovic-Federer Had Nothing On Christ-Satan, Says Writer Who Is Not Joking
"The match between Djokovic and Federer in New York was quite a spectacle, but it was nothing compared to Christ's victory over sin and death and Satan. 'And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.' (Colossians 2:15) Memo to ...
The Dumbass Who Blamed Bryan Stow For Getting Beaten Into A Coma Wants To Watch Michael Vick Blow His Knees Out
Writes dumbass John Steigerwald about Michael Vick's $100 million contract, "Here's hoping he blows out his knee on his next snap."...
Presenting The World’s Dick-Suckingest Derek Jeter Column
In a world where every member of the sports media lines up enthusiastically to lap up whatever fluid comes out of Derek Jeter's penis, we now have a new champion when it comes to Jeter's canonization. It comes from Ian O'Connor at ESPN, and it made Ken Tremendous cry. Come take a look at this shit....
German Newspaper Credits Dirk, "First White MVP Since Larry Bird," With Defeating "Ghetto Basketball"
We regret to be working in translation here, because this piece, from Die Welt's Peter Schilling, might just be more objectionable in German. Here's the translated version, working from this original....
Why Grantland Rice Sucked
Grantland Rice was everything his namesake website should aspire not to be. He was a pandering mythmaker who wrote verse and prose the way Thomas Kinkade paints carriage lanes ("The Hills of Fame still beckon where the Paths of Glory lead …"). Reading him today is not unlike looking at your maiden a...
Why Yes, One Cleveland Writer Did Offer Up A Nazi Death-Camp Gas For Use As Dirk Nowitzki's Nickname
And it was Scott Raab (yesterday). Oh, don't get all "How dare you belittle millions of deaths for a joke the morally depraved community doesn't even so much as giggle at?" He apologized 13 hours later, while nobly driving page views to a story he wrote last year about retired U.S. autoworker/convi...