yo Page 316 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
White Sox Witness Large Man's Large Dong<em></em>
Big New York Yankees outfielder Aaron Judge made great use of an ill-advised Dylan Covey pitch, launching an intercontinental home run 448 feet into the night off the Rule 5 pick, who was making his second major-league start....
Concussion Testing Is Flawed, But It's Not The Real Problem
The Wall Street Journal published a devastating story today about Kenney Bui, a high school football player in Washington state who died two years ago at age 17, days after a collision in a game caused him to lose consciousness on the sideline. What distinguishes Bui’s death—aside from the obvious—i...
Rob Gronkowski Crashes White House Press Briefing
Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski, a man perfectly engineered to survive a frat party balcony collapse, is at the White House today with his Patriots teammates so that they can be honored for their Super Bowl victory. Gronk, perhaps having been set free to wander the halls, crashed White House press...
Just What The Hell Is Going On In This Celtics-Bulls Series?
A few caveats: The Celtics should have never been a one seed in the first place, and only found themselves atop the Eastern Conference by default because the Cavs decided to play the second half of the season on horse tranquilizers. They are a solid but flawed team lacking in the kind of star power ...
Oilers' Leon <em></em>Draisaitl Tossed For Crotch Spearing As Sharks Take 6-0 Lead<em></em>
About midway though the second period of the Edmonton Oilers game against the San Jose Sharks, Oilers forward Leon Draisaitl was ejected for spearing the Sharks’ Chris Tierney right in the dick and balls. Edmonton was down 5-0 when Draisaitl lashed out....
Capitals Fans: Ohfuckohshitfuckfuckfuck
Capitals fans: Now that you’re down a game to the eighth-seeded Leafs, in a series that was just supposed to be a warm-up for the real opportunities to choke, how’re those sphincters? Are they so desperately clenched that not even a molecule can pass through, giving you that familiar tummy ache of d...
Yeah, The Bruins Got Hosed
When writing a gamer, it can be tough to find just the right verb. You can’t just say a team “won” every time, or that they “beat” their opponents, because overuse gets boring, and you want to convey something of the substance of the game. Did they “dominate,” “thrash,” or “spank” the other team? Or...
Grizzlies Coach Dave Fizdale Goes Scorched Earth On Refs In Postgame Rant<em></em><em></em>
The Grizzlies recovered from a huge deficit tonight against the Spurs, but eventually fell short of a comeback win, losing 96-82. Kawhi Leonard shot 19 free throws in the game while the Grizzlies shot just 15, a fact which coach Dave Fizdale was quick to note in his postgame press conference. ...
Pekka Rinne Scrambles For Incredible Desperation Save After Puck Takes Wild Bounce
The Predators nearly ceded the weirdest goal of the playoffs in the first period against the Blackhawks, after a power-play clearance banked off a stanchion and veered towards goal. Pekka Rinne leapt in the path of this one and pawed it just wide of danger....
Paul George Is So Good And It Doesn't Even Matter
The Cavaliers nearly blew yet another fourth-quarter lead this evening, but because the Pacers are clunky and mediocre, and the Cavaliers employ LeBron James, Kevin Love, and Kyrie Irving, they did not blow yet another fourth quarter lead. The Pacers are heading home down 2-0, and despite the potent...
Report: Carmelo Anthony And His Wife La La Have Separated, Maybe Because The Knicks Suck
According to TMZ, the stress of the New York Knicks’ failure-ridden embarrassment of a season and ongoing incompetence contributed to the separation of Carmelo Anthony and his TV-star wife La La, who have been together for more than a decade and have been married since 2010....
Erik Karlsson's Hail Mary Set Up A Marvelous Goal
Senators defenseman Erik Karlsson set up Mike Hoffman’s opening goal against the Bruins this evening with an inch-perfect pass he lofted over the heads of a few defenders from his own goal. Hoffman received it coolly and banged in a sly little finish of his own....
Canned Player Quotes From Jets PR, Annotated
The Jets were one of 23 NFL teams to begin their 2017 offseason program today. Under the terms of the collective bargaining agreement, the first two weeks of the offseason program are limited to strength and conditioning and rehab. The Jets did not make any players or coaches available to the media,...
Stephen A. Smith: "This Damn Phil Jackson Is Still In New York City!"
For anyone masochistic enough to still care about the Knicks, this weekend felt a lot like rock bottom. President Phil Jackson spent Friday afternoon publicly alienating his star player Carmelo Anthony. He also stated that no Knicks player—including Kristaps Porzingis—was off the bargaining table, q...
Zach Werenski's Face Is Really Fucked Up
In the second period of Sunday’s Game 3 between the Penguins and Blue Jackets, Columbus defenseman Zach Werenski took a Phil Kessel shot right under the eye. Since Pittsburgh kept possession of the puck, officials didn’t stop play, which led to Bryan Rust tying the game at three as Werenski spilled ...
Once Again, The Thunder Have An Enes Kanter Problem
In what was a thoroughly embarrassing 31-point Game 1 defeat at the hands of the Houston Rockets, perhaps no Thunder player was exposed more than backup center Enes Kanter....
Alexander Radulov Is Older, Wiser, And As Good As Ever
When Alexander Radulov got going, so did the Canadiens. Montreal’s 2-1 series lead over the Rangers has been driven by the 30-year-old winger’s five points in the last two games, including this absurd one-handed beauty to seal Game 3:...
Jake Guentzel Is The Ideal Finisher For Sidney Crosby
The Penguins must have a goddamned farm somewhere, where they just grow top-six forwards. Last year’s Cup run wouldn’t have happened without Conor Sheary and Bryan Rust, and now that those two have solidified their spots as unquestioned essentials to Pittsburgh’s offensive machine, here comes anothe...
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