yo Page 339 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
This Is The Closest We've Gotten To Finding The Beer-Throwing Blue Jays Fan
The police have not yet identified the shithead Blue Jays fan that tossed a beer at Hyun Soo Kim last night, who the team said was able to slink off into the night before security could apprehend them. This, despite the rigorous work done by certified expert internet investigators such as myself. Wh...
Root For The Mets In The Playoffs
The 2015 National League champions coasted on a sea of subpar second-place teams to home field advantage in the bullshit crapshoot that is the one-game wild card playoff (can’t wait!). More than half of their Opening Day bevy of shampoo-commercial starters have been sidelined with injury but between...
Buck Showalter Fucked Up
I watched Buck Showalter neglect to use his lights-out closer in the ninth and tenth and eleventh innings of a tied, loser-goes-home baseball game, and I watched it work for two of those innings! All I can say is: I’ve seen people at the blackjack table hit on 17 and get 21, too. I’ve never seen any...
Edwin Encarnacion Hit A Walk-Off To Goddamn Mars To Put The Blue Jays Through
The Blue Jays beat the Orioles in the eleventh inning of tonight’s Wild Card game thanks to a huge three-run dinger from Edwin Encarnacion. Encarnacion was the third batter that Ubaldo Jimenez faced after he came into the game with one out in the eleventh. He allowed both baserunners to reach on sin...
Jeff Van Gundy Advocates Zero-Tolerance Policy For Domestic Violence Offenders
The Houston Rockets and New York Knicks met in the preseason this evening, and ESPN announcer Jeff Van Gundy used the occasion of Derrick Rose’s first appearance with the Knicks to make some points about domestic violence and how Adam Silver and the NBA should deal with players who are convicted of ...
Jose Bautista Kicks Off MLB Playoffs With Towering Dong
Hell yeah buddy, the MLB playoffs are back. Jose Bautista hit a tall dinger to score he first run of the postseason in the second inning. Bautista got way under this 3-1 pitch from Chris Tillman, but that didn’t matter, since he hit it to the dang moon....
Root For The Blue Jays In The Playoffs
The unruly Bat Flip Boys are at it again. A year after bashing their way through the AL East and into the hearts of scalawags everywhere, the Toronto Blue Jays have made the playoffs (or at least the watered down, expanded version of the playoffs) in consecutive years for the first time since winnin...
Root For The Baltimore Orioles In The Playoffs
The Baltimore Orioles gave up their chance at a glorious regular season in fits and starts, but mostly in one four-day span from Sept. 19-22, when they hosted the first-place Boston Red Sox at Camden Yards for a four-game series in which they were swept, losing by scores of 5-2, 5-2, 5-1, and 5-3. W...
Dane Cook’s MLB Postseason Campaign Tortures My Memory Like An Unconfessed Murder<em></em>
With the MLB postseason comes high stakes, a tense and entertaining atmosphere, and some of the best talent in professional sports. And yet as I prepare for the best part of the baseball season, one slogan writhes around in my brain like a maggot and refuses to leave: There’s only one October....
How Long Until The NFL's Hard-On For Personal Fouls Ruins A Game?
Even if you believe that Odell Beckham Jr.’s tendency toward emotional outbursts has rightfully earned him extra scrutiny from NFL referees, the unsportsmanlike conduct penalty he was hit with last night was pretty confounding:...
Odell Beckham Lost His Cool Again
Odell Beckham Jr. was barely there last night. The excellent Vikings defense held him to a career-low three catches for 23 yards, all on a single second-quarter drive that didn’t cross midfield. Minnesota merely perfected what’s emerged as a solid strategy to keep Beckham in check—he hasn’t scored a...
Somehow, The Vikings Might Be The Best Team In The NFC
When Teddy Bridgewater’s leg exploded into powder, it looked like the Vikings were in trouble. When Adrian Peterson hurt his knee then did a walk of shame through a restaurant, it looked the Vikings were in even more trouble. Instead of collapsing into a dumb pile of rubble led by Shaun Hill, they’r...
Larry Donnell Knocked Out Of Game With Concussion After Huge Hit
Early in the second quarter of tonight’s game against the Vikings, Giants tight end Larry Donnell was trying to pull around and block for Orleans Darkwa, when linebacker Anthony Barr came through the gap like a rocket and smashed into him, knocking him four yards back and straight into Darkwa. Darkw...
The Jets Have Bigger Problems Than Ryan Fitzpatrick
This is not what the Jets envisioned when they finally ended their very long and very weak standoff with Ryan Fitzpatrick. All they needed was a competent quarterback who could score a few points and let the defense win games, and Fitzpatrick seemed to fit the bill. The best-case scenario for the 2...
Root For The Red Sox In The Playoffs
The Red Sox have barreled their way into yet another postseason after finishing last in the AL East in the two seasons since they last won the World Series. The Sox crashed their way to the third seed in the AL on the strength of an 11-game September winning streak, involving three straight series s...
Blue Jays, Orioles, Giants Win; Disturbed Fans Who Anticipated Tiebreaker Games Lose<em></em>
Baseball’s postseason is set after a day that brought promises of excitement like we saw on the final day of 2011's regular season but delivered the most predictable and boring result as all three teams that controlled their own destiny won, shutting out the pretenders that hoped to force tiebreaker...