yo Page 598 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
For The 2013 Season, The Astros Will Go To The AL West And Basically Everyone Will Go To The Playoffs
MLB's owners unanimously approved the sale of the Houston Astros from Drayton McLane to Jim Crane today, and included a $65 million price cut in the deal. The Astros will leave the NL Central and join the AL West for the 2013 season, and, to the relief of symmetricists everywhere, each league will h...
Remember: This NFL Season Could Have Been David Sterned
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Buy Drew's new book, The Postmortal, through here. Find more of his stuff at his Twitter feed....
New Reality Star Anna Benson Says The Mets Were "Scared Of My Big Fun Bags"
Anna Benson, the buxom brunette who has long had the distinction of being more famous than her husband, a former journeyman Major League pitcher named Kris, is going to star in VH1's new reality series, "Baseball Wives," according to the New York Post....
LeBron Misses Two Jumpers, Feels Bad, Dunks On A Helpless Child Instead
Your morning roundup for Nov. 17, the day we learned there are children in China who love school, a lot. Video courtesy Hoops Fix, via Cosby Sweaters. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....
Instead Of Watching Basketball, Let's Read One Of The NBA Players' Antitrust Lawsuits
Two separate groups representing NBA players filed antitrust lawsuits against the NBA yesterday—one, filed by the trade association's carefully selected legal team in California, has five plaintiffs including Carmelo Anthony and Kevin Durant; the other names players Ben Gordon, Anthony Tolliver, Der...
If You Want To Get Your Two-Year-Old Drunk, Try The Hibachi Place In Jackson Twp., Ohio
"Two-year-old Karl Preusser, Jr. was with his parents and their friends Friday evening, enjoying a night out at the Wasabi Japanese Steakhouse, a hibachi style restaurant where the cook prepares the meal in front of a table of guests. ... 'He asked K.J. if he was 21 and K.J. said yes and opened his...
Surviving The Lockout: Boris Diaw's Extreme Umbrella Commercial
Today was payday. November 15th was to see players receive 1/12th of their 2011-2012 contracts, but with nuclear winter coming on, they're out the equivalent of a month's salary—$220,000 on average. Actually losing money for the first time is hard on some players, like Samardo Samuels....
How Rex Ryan Created The New-Look Patriots
We're doing a season-long NFL roundtable with our friends at Slate. Check back here each week as a rotating cast of football watchers discusses the weekend's key plays, coaching decisions, and traumatic brain injuries....
The Website For NBA Players Association Now Reads "Error 404: Basketball Not Found"
Of course, it's not representative of a real computer error; just a human failure to make a labor agreement that would provide professional basketball to a fan base that is growing more and more impatient and resigned to the fact that we may, very well, be without a season this year. Thus:...
NBA Talks Break Off; Players Will Disband Union; Everything Is Awful
Billy Hunter says the players have rejected the league's latest offer, which he called "extremely unfair," and says the association is "prepared to file antitrust action against the NBA." They're also beginning the process of disbanding the union. From Yahoo's Adrian Wojnarowski [sic'd]: "The chance...
Rex Ryan To Fan Who Suggested Belichick Was Better: "Shut The Fuck Up"
You can hear it at about the 15-second mark....
1,000 Words: Here's A Grown Man With A Jet On His Head Pantomiming Blowing His Brains Out
We think that's the ol' gun-in-the-mouth. We hope it's not this. [via Seth Rosenthal]...
Bill Belichick On Last Night's Win Over Jets: "37 Points On The Best Defense In The League, Suck My Dick”
Per the suddenly demure New York Post:...
The Dejected Faces Of Mark Sanchez
The great battle for AFC East supremacy last night turned into somewhat of a Patriots blowout and a game that was not all that much fun to watch. The one thing that did bring great joy was the body language of Mark Sanchez, whose moods ranged from misery to dejection to bike-pedaling, sisyphean ex...
Santonio Holmes Gets Vocal About A Pass Interference No-Call
As far as incidental broadcasts of sports profanity go, this is pretty tame (the only less-offensive being your Bobby Knight "chickenshit") but Santonio Holmes' complaint about the no-call on this pass in the second half of the Patriots-Jets SNF matchup is still amusing—especially the belated atte...
Your Sunday Night Football Open Thread
After an exciting day lets all wind down and not have a heart attack watching the Jets play the Patriots. Your thoughts, as always, down below....
Jets Owner Makes Shocking, Unprecedented, And Wrongheaded Claim About Jets Fans
Owner Woody Johnson tells Steve Serby, "Bring your passion to the game. The Jets fans are very intelligent, they're the smartest fans in the country, so they know how important it is." [NY Post]...
Preeminent Knuckleballers Hang Out Together In Their Spare Time
Unlikely Mets ace R.A. Dickey tweeted last night about an event that we've imagined so often in our dreams. Great knuckleballers are friends in real life!...
Lockout Latest: Amar'e And Carmelo Make Adorable <i>Sesame Street</i> Appearance
Not everything that happens during the NBA lockout is bad: Delonte West makes his job applications public, Delonte West makes his broken-down Ford Bronco public, Chris Paul goes on Family Feud, and—provided that they cover up the Adidas logo on their shirts—Carmelo Anthony and Amar'e Stoudemire ge...
Derek Fisher's Broken Mic Means He Can't Tell You That Nothing Happened In NBA Negotiations
Elsewhere in the vast world of sports this evening, the NBA lockout negotiations once again came to a slow, painful halt after close to 12 hours of meetings. Once union president Derek Fisher got his microphone working, he had this to say:...