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Too <em>Moneyball</em> For Their Own Good: How The Mets Screwed Up The Kazmir Trade
The Angels released Scott Kazmir on Wednesday, and we had seen it coming for years. Hitters clobbered Kazmir in 2009, 2010, and, in his one 2011 start. He lost his control and velocity simultaneously, and stopped striking hitters out....

Saggy Pants Lead To College Football Player's Arrest In City Where Basically Everything Is Legal
Deshon Marman, a 20-year-old on the University of New Mexico football team, was arrested at San Francisco Airport yesterday after he refused to pull up his pants on an airplane:...

David Einhorn Can Control The Mets For A Dollar, And Other Bad Omens For The Wilpons
When we last touched on the terms of the new Mets ownership deal, there was enough information to make fun of the Mets, but a key detail was missing. We knew that David Einhorn had essentially agreed to loan the Wilpons $200 million dollars in exchange for a third of the team until the loan was paid...

Dick Vitale Is Not The Dick Vitale That's Been Slandering Superintendent Nelson In <em>The Conway Daily Sun</em>
A few things to clear up, America: ESPN's Dick Vitale has never been to North Conway, New Hampshire, and he harbors no resentment for the Conway School District superintendent, Carl Nelson. This contention was at long last cleared up last week, when Lorraine Vitale did a standard Google search for h...

The Chris Sheridan-Peter Vecsey Blood Feud Enters Court, Hilariously
Journalism fight! Journalism fight! Let's all throw spicy language and felt-tip pens at one another! Yesterday, ESPN's Chris Sheridan sued the New York Post's Peter Vecsey and his employer for libel in NY State Supreme Court. The bone of contention was a "scandalous diatribe" (to quote the complaint...

They Rioted In Vancouver Last Night, Eh
Don't ever let it be said that the fine people of Vancouver don't care enough about, oh, whatever, who knows what leads you to burn things after losing Game 7 of the Stanley Cup finals. You just do....

Emotional Story Inspires ESPN Anchor To Quote Mariah Carey
There's a lot going on here. A lot of stimuli, you know. Let's break it down....

Brad Marchand Punching Daniel Sedin Like An Inflatable Clown, Set To An Adorable Child's Song
We came across this cute Canucks kid, doing his own version of a Twisted Sister classic. We spruced up the visuals....

Peyton And Eli Manning Are: <em>Football Cops</em>
Our tipster grabbed these photos and videos of the Brothers Manning filming in Greenpoint, Brooklyn last month. (He then promptly gave them to TMZ, which posted them much faster than we did.)...

This Is Terrelle Pryor's Sweet Ride Getting Towed From A Donut Shop
If this is really Pryor's car—and it sure as hell looks that way—we have ourselves a new nadir of the Buckeye scandal. That it happened at Buckeye Donuts makes it all the more Jamarcus Russell-y. At least Russell had first-round money....

Miami Heat Encourages Season Ticket Holders To Actually Be Fans Of Their Team
An anonymous tipster, who swears against having any actual association with the Miami Heat, sent along an email the team had sent out to its season ticket holders this afternoon in preparation for "THE SINGLE BIGGEST HOME GAME IN THE HISTORY OF THE FRANCHISE!"...

Excitement, Anticipation As Jeter Approaches 2,354-Games-Played Milestone
If the weather holds up tonight, Derek Jeter will play in his 2,354th major league game, passing Jose Cruz and moving into a tie for 90th on the all-time list. Cruz, the outfielder who spent most of his 19-year career in Houston, last played in 1988....

Yankee Fans, Forever Alone
Your morning roundup for June 10, the day we went swimsuit shopping. Image via Scott....

Joba Will Be Neithuh Startuh Nor Relievuh Fuh A While
Everybody's favorite so-so Yankee swingman, Joba Chamberlain, was diagnosed today with a torn elbow ligament that will likely require Tommy John surgery....

Pryor To Saskatchewan: Drop Dead
Yesterday we brought you word that the CFL's Saskatchewan Roughriders, employers of one Chris Leak, had acquired negotiating rights to Columbus-area sports memorabilia dealer Terrelle Pryor. Today, Canada heard the bad news: Pryor is apparently not down with three downs....

Roger Goodell Is Waving His Dick Around Only Because He Loves Us So Much
Roger Goodell said some bullshit yesterday that, I swear, the Serious Football Media would've tsk-tsked as "counterproductive rhetoric" had anything so disingenuous come out of De Smith's mouth. Here's what the commisioner told Tampa Bay season ticketholders in a conference call:...

Milwaukee's Nyjer Morgan Provides The Post-Game Interview Of The Season
Nyjer Morgan, the most glorious weirdo in Major League Baseball, put the Mets away with a walk-off double in the bottom of the ninth in Milwaukee last night. In his post-game interview with Fox Sports Wisconsin, Prince Fielder provided Morgan with a Gatorade bath, which this time around consisted ...

Terrelle Pryor Is Threatening Chris Leak's Saskatchewan Roughriders Roster Spot
Regina just ain't big enough for the both of 'em. Because neither is really a competent passer, and both are long separated from their former glory....

Charles Barkley: "Miami Has The Worst Fans"
Charles Barkley continued his righteous public crusade against all things Miami Heat today, when he spoke to the "Waddle & Silvy Show" on ESPN 1000. Nothing revolutionary here, just the special vindication that comes with hearing someone with a national audience say things that said audience has b...

Which Cowboys Star Is Selling This Ridiculous Souped-Up Impala? (Update Maybe)
Time to reactivate the old eBay account, because holy shit look at this thing. I'm just going to paste the seller's description, because, my god....