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Where The Hell Is Carl Monday?
Remember the old days, when the bus driver who drove you and your school friends to the ball game just masturbated with his hand? Now they're using mechanical devices and popping pills ... it's just like everything else in baseball; cheating is rampant. All the records are tainted....

The Sad Tale Of Tracy McGrady
We were pleased to see former Illini Deron Williams and Dee Brown advance to the Western Conference semifinals with the Jazz's win over the Rockets on Saturday night, but it brought us no joy to see the likable and seemingly doomed Tracy McGrady fail once again to push his team out of the first roun...

Steve Nash, Definitely A Bleeder
There are all kinds of disappointing ways for a tight, close NBA playoff game to end. A key player can be thrown out, a team can self-destruct, a naked man can run on the court ... there are all kinds of ways to transform a potential classic into a missed opportunity. But one of the worst has to be ...

Roger's Back In Town
What they're saying around the blogs on Roger Clemens signing with the Yankees ......

It's Important That You Remember That Roger Clemens Is Your Savior
Last week, Curt Schilling was accused of self-aggrandizing ego worship for supposedly painting blood on his sock, or whatever it was. Schilling's impassioned defense of his own heroism was both absolutely correct — the man has a right to defend himself against false claims — and completely fitting, ...

Poor Mario Got Strung Out On Mushrooms
So a rockin' sports Saturday morphed into a pretty lazy sports Sunday that was redeemed only recently by an excellent Spurs/Suns game that featured over 215 points and several gallons of Steve Nash's blood. The Spurs did hang on to take Game One....

Roger To The Rescue; Clemens To Be A Yankee Again
With much credit to you crazy commenters, Roger Clemens announced today that he's returning to the Yankees. I wasn't watching the game, I have no idea what happened ... but The Sports Frog is all over it, and I'm just going to quote the Frog's garyclark:...

The Houston Rockets Are Buried In Sadness
Tracy McGrady assumed full responsibility for the outcome before Houston's series against Utah, then went out in Game 7 and did the Yeoman's work and still came up short. Then, in the postgame press conference, he couldn't run from the responsibility and ended up walking away in tears (thanks to The...

Free Darko Playoff Pants Party: Cavaliers Vs. Nets
The second round continues with two more matchups today. We've already previewed Suns-Spurs tonight....

To Watch Tonight
What to watch as Sandman refills the litter box ... • Boxing: Heavyweights, Eddie Chambers vs. Dominick Guinn and Chris Arreola vs. Devin Vargas, at Las Vegas. Latter winner to face Henry VIII at London. [Showtime] • MLB: Los Angeles Dodgers at Atlanta [TBS]; Chicago White Sox at Los Angeles Angels....

Free Darko Playoff Pants Party: Suns Vs. Spurs
Even though there are still two first-round series still going on, the second round starts tomorrow. Two matchups are set already....

Free Darko Playoff Pants Party: Pistons Vs. Bulls
Even though there are still two first-round series still going on, the second round starts tomorrow. Two matchups are set already....

Look, There Was Another Game On Thursday Night
Lest we forget, in all the Warriors hub-bub, that another series took a fun turn last night, with the Jazz tying the Rockets 3-3 with a 94-82 win in Utah. The key Jazz star was Andrei Kirilenko, who shined late despite, you know, crying like a little girl earlier this series because he wasn't gettin...

We'd Keep Our Distance From Mavs Fans This Morning
It was not a good night to be a Dallas fan last night — it really hasn't been a good year to be a fan of any Dallas sports team — but it's really not a happy experience to be Dirk Nowitzki right now ... and it probably won't be for quite some time, writes True Hoop....

The View From Oracle Arena: Proof It Really Happened
Deadspin associate editor Rick Chandler was at the Oracle Arena in Oakland last night to watch the Golden State Warriors finish off the Dallas Mavericks. Here's his account of the experience....

Crunch Time For The Warriors ... And Their Fans
Well, all right, kids, we think you probably agree with us when we say that if the Warriors can’t clinch their series against the Mavericks in that Thunderdome, they’re not likely to sneak out a Game 7 in Dallas. So tonight is, for all intents and purposes, the deciding game. And it’s the biggest ni...

Kobe, Carmelo, Iverson ... Exit Stage Left, Please
Before last night's Suns-Lakers Game 5, Henry at True Hoop looked at just how much the Lakers would change in the offseason if they lost, which, of course, they did. So now it can start. Trade Kobe! For Shaq! Or whatever: We can't imagine Phil Jackson will enjoy being a part of this for too much lon...

To Watch Tonight
What to watch as you fortify your home against an invasion of our nation's "disappearing" bees ... • Boxing: Junior middleweights, Yory Boy Campas vs. Eromosele Albert, at Miami. Loser must kiss Don King on the lips. [ESPN2] • MLB: Philadelphia at Atlanta. We'd like to see Bobby Cox take another ste...

Keyshawn's Final Moments As A Panther
If you want to relieve the sublime comedy of Keyshawn Johnson's "excitement" after learning that the Carolina Panthers drafted his "buddy" Dwayne Jarrett — thus securing his release from the team — the video above has the complete footage. It was funny at the time, but it improves considerably knowi...

Please Don't Let This Series Ever End
It is clear, at this point, that the Mavericks-Warriors series is hazardous to the health of anyone happening to be watching at home. What a travesty that these beautiful, crazed, maddening games are ending so late; it's impossible to watch this series and not think the NBA might be the most league ...