The Greek philosopher Heraclitus held that the universe is in a constant state of change. His nation went on to produce lots of yogurt, which is always changing, as well.
TO: The Board of Directors of the Stonyfield Yogurt Company.
Just now, I was walking through Union Square and got a free promotional Noosa™ Yogurt, a tasty treat. And what did I get from Chobani? Nothing. Fuck Chobani.
Breakfast cereals. Good, right? Instead of milk upon your cereal, try this:
Hamdi Ulukaya, the founder of Chobani yogurt, is a good yogurt mogul who also made a lot of his yogurt minions rich today. May we all pressure our bosses to be more like him.
Go-Gurt's charmingly daft, hilariously unappetizing name implies its creation myth: the notion that, out there in the world, there were consumers who liked feeding their kids delicious, nutritious yogurt, but were frustrated by its cripplingly immobile nature—"I need a portable, on-the-go yogurt!" they groused,…