That Is Not Queso

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There will be no argument over the precise recipe for this regional dish, because it’s not even necessary here. You don’t need to be from Texas or Mexico to determine that this crock pot full of some ungodly substance, created by Fox News host Dana Perino, is not queso. It’s something the human mind cannot fully comprehend, as it is not from this realm.

To say that this Super Bowl dish looks like the surface of another planet is too kind. It would look like the surface of another planet if that planet was composed of infirmary diarrhea. I would be wary of dipping a chip in this because at any moment a decomposed hand could reach out and drag you into its dimension. If you hit Donald Trump with a power washer and collected the runoff before it went down the drain, its color would be slightly more appetizing.


Perino shared her recipe for this dish a few years ago. Speak the ingredients out loud in the exact order three times, and be cursed for the rest of your existence.


Even though she’s no longer George W. Bush’s flack, Perino showed that she’s still adept at putting a positive spin on war crimes.


That crock pot should never be used again.