It’s my favorite time of the year! That time when the leaves start changing, the air gets crisp, and we all get to point at one division in the NFL and say, “Holy shit! All those teams are ass!”

You might think it’s still too early to make the call, but I’m feeling sassy and am ready to declare the AFC South this year’s division of suck. This is a division led by the 4-2 Houston Texans, a very bad football team that won a “Who wants to lose this game more?” division clash against the Colts last night. Before you get too excited, Texans fans, let me remind you that Brock Osweiler is Matt Flynn 2.0 and probably also hates his coach. 

The Colts are even more shameful, now 2-4 and marching through yet another season in which Andrew Luck’s abilities are going to waste. General manager Ryan Grigson was handed the second coming of Dan Marino and decided that the best way to build a winning football team around his star quarterback would be to let five sheets of Kleenex play offensive line.


And then Grigson had the audacity to blame Luck’s contract for the fact that he hasn’t been able to find anyone who can block. This is the second straight year that the Colts have locked their franchise QB in a prison of incompetence, and Grigson really deserves a wet willy for that.

Okay, who else do we have in this shithole of a division? The Titans are 3-3 after managing to beat the Lions, Dolphins, and Browns. So congratulations to them on not being the Browns. Just behind them are the 2-3 Jacksonville Jaguars, who have won two straight against the Colts and the Bears, but also carry a division-worst point differential of -26. The Jags shouldn’t be too embarrassed about that, though, because the AFC South is currently the only division in football in which every single team has a negative point differential:


There are no 1-5 or 0-6 teams in this division, but you still couldn’t pay me to watch a game involving any of these teams. That’s how a whole division goes about achieving true butt status, by spreading the suck evenly among all four teams.