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The Blind Side Is Cursed By A Home-Wrecking Demon

This is what the New York Daily News has suggested, due to some of the recent problems suffered by members of the cast of Michael Lewis's book-turned-sapfest. It's even ensnared Lawrence Taylor in its wickedness.

You remember the movie, right? Oscar nominee? About sad, shuffling Michael Oher and the Mississippi mama packed with sunshine who saved him. The one responsible for making millions of 45-year-old suburban moms unofficial Ravens fans for life. There was a time last fall when you couldn't drive through the outskirts of the projects without seeing one of these women patrolling in their Audi Q5s searching for their own destitute enormous black teenager with a 39-inch reach and good foot speed wandering along the side of the road. Those big black boys were the new teacup poodle for a hot minute.


But, according to the New York Daily News, there's some serious voodoo jacking The Blind Side's feelgoodism. First it was the film's star, Sandra Bullock, finding out her reality star motorcycle mechanic was having lots of unsafe Nazi sex behind her back. Then co-star Tim McGraw builds a big house in Nashville only to see it almost wash away in a flood. So, because Lawrence Taylor sacking a quarterback is featured in the opening montage of the film, the NYDN surmises that LT's little Ramapo run-in with a 16-year-old prostitute is a direct result of the brief footage of him in the film. Still don't buy it? Look what else the NYDN has found out: reported that Quinton Aaron - the Bronx-born actor who plays the hulking teen Michael Oher who was adopted by Bullock's character - was dropped by his talent agency because he couldn't land any new parts.

Finally, there's the six real college coaches who appear in the movie to recruit the talented tackle played by Aaron.


And let's not forget about the film's gaffer being attacked by a swarm of killer bees and the key grip losing two of his fingers in a garbage disposal. And Michael Lewis has also come down with a mean case of gout since the film was released. I mean, it's Poltergeist-directed-by-John Landis- starring-George Reeves cursed. LT should really tell his lawyer this immediately because this defense seems as plausible as any other defense he could present to a judge right now.


Alas, the day is through. Now we can all go out and party like a bunch of PiPhis with 37 cases of Natural Light. Just don't poop on the outside of any buildings, kids.


Thanks for your continued support of Deadspin. The two-headed monster of Crashtern-Craggs will be here to do the monkey dance for you (and your moms!) tomorrow.

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