The Closer: Fate, Thy Name Is Josh Beckett

Notes from a day in baseball:

• 1. Boston Played Baltimore on Monday. Guess Who Won? A modest proposal: To save time, the Orioles should forfeit their remaining games with the Red Sox and save their pitching. Why subject their fans to this? Boston prevailed 11-1 on Monday, leaving fans across the eastern seaboard to all ask the same question: "The Orioles scored a run?" Josh Beckett went seven innings to get the win, as the Red Sox beat the Orioles for the 12th straight time; Baltimore's longest streak of futility against Boston since 1954. In other words, since there has been a team called the Baltimore Orioles.

• 2. Somewhere High In The Mountains, Pete Coors Is Crying. Rumor has it that Nomar Garciaparra once played for the Red Sox, although we can't get anyone in Boston to confirm that. He's with the Dodgers now and singled in the go-ahead run in the seventh to lead LA over Colorado 5-4. Is it worth mentioning that Garciaparra has a 10-game hitting streak? Hmm. No need to be rude; a simple "no" would have sufficed.

• 3. Bow Before The Might Of Brian McCann. Meet Brian McCann, your National League batting average leader. Although resembling the kid who was always, without fail, just one minute late for the school bus every morning, the Braves' catcher is hitting .352 after going 3-for-5 with a three-run homer and five RBIs in Atlanta's 11-8 win over the Marlins.

• 4. I Want A Clean-Shaven Man. Diamondbacks' first baseman Tony Clark broke an 0-for-26 slump on Monday with a game-tying solo home run in the eighth inning of Arizona's 6-5, 10-inning win over San Diego. His secret? He shaved his Afro. Arizona is now only a half-game back of the first-place Pads.

• 5. White Sox Win; Lou Grant Depressed, Embittered. The Minnesota Twins decided that this time they wouldn't score seven runs in the first inning, to see if that would work. Nope. White Sox win, 7-3, to split the four-game series. Freddy Garcia (6-1) won his sixth straight decision, and Joe Crede and Chris Widger homered, as Chicago improved to 25-12, the best record in the majors.