Welcome to Tuesday Night Fights, a weekly celebration and analysis of street-fight videos found on YouTube. Tonight's fisticuffs: the old-school "Happy Slapper Gets Smacked," chosen because "graffiti-dude fights art-fag (gnarly beatdown)" was just too bad-vibe. Tonight's commentator: artist Steve "ESPO" Powers. (Coming next week: TBA.)
My friend BB was describing a town in Northern California as a place you either "shoot, shovel, or shut up."
It's also true in the province of England where this clip was filmed at the height of the 'happy slap' craze several years ago.
A kid with a camera films another kid slapping an unsuspecting third kid is a Happy Slap.
This clip is where that trend ended.
Two louts start off looking like they are arguing over the last sip of a gallon of Georgi vodka, then they switch gears and start scheming on how they will get the next bottle.
Boy and girl enter from stage right and one of the louts happy slaps the girl.
Immediately, the boy, who I call justice, clad in a tracksuit and trainers, steps up and boxes the louts into the ground. Lucky for the louts his girl pulls him away like they got a train to catch and they continue in their way.
The louts collect themselves and actually stagger after Justice, like they are gonna get some payback. My advice to them is to keep battling the bottle, not the boxer.
Ed's note: What follows is the unhappy graffight which could've been the lead review, but wasn't...
And now, the rest of the Tuesday Night Fights:
• This is what it looks like when nude men get to bare-ass brawlin' outside the rotisserie joint. (Start of Violence, instantly)
• If you're going to act up in Portland, Oregon, do so when Officer Dark Kneehighs is off-duty, is the moral of this videostory. (SoV, 0:03)
• FRATERNIBROBRAWL AT ASU!!! JEAAAAAAHHHHHH! (SoV, 0:35)
• Per videographer Savannah Shifflet, "The fat one seems to think that when he's on dope, he's 'Iron Man,' he's invincible and he can take on the world. (He actually USED THOSE WORDS.) And, he likes to use his Iron Man strength to bully around women. That's why this fight went down... a GOOD man decided to put him in his place. The sad thing is, the dope kept him on his feet a lot longer than he should have been... and the police showed up before he could get laid out properly. What a shame." (SoV, 0:14)
• Grrl Power Intermission Report:
• HILLBILLY FIGHT!!1! (SoV, instantly)
• It was a fisty kinda night outside this Madrid discoteca, no? (SoV, 0:06)
• Searching for the location of "Doah Park" to put this "Doah Park Fight" video in geographical context took me to an OBGYN in Illinois. Sounds about right. (SoV, 0:17)
• Magical moments in White People History. (SoV, 0:04)
• The Filipino Street Fight Intermission Report:
• "The Gangs Squad’s Strike Force Raptor is investigating the incident which happened at a hotel in Parramatta at lunchtime in February. During the incident, a number of men believed to members of the Comanchero and Hells Angels outlaw motorcycle gangs were involved in the brawl which saw numerous people throwing punches and chairs at each other." (SoV, 0:05)
• Makaylah and Natalie got into a fight the other day. After church, no less. Worldstar. (SoV, 0:13)
• Lady: "Look. He hittin' 'im with the broom 'n shit." Gentleman: "Hell yeah, I would too." Lady: "You should call the police, man." Gentleman: "I am. I am." — 30 — (SoV, instantly)
• Your White Bros Fighting In A Dusty Lot By A Pile Of Tires Intermezzo:
• From the 215-ish area code, golf club-related negotiations related to money lent and not paid back in North Philadelphia (SoV, 0:22). Bonus Coverage: A two-part extravaganza pitting Mone (tall girl) vs. Sophie (short, chubby girl) in a battle of wits and strength. Oh, they're in seventh grade. Seriously, Philly, we're better than this. Ok, maybe not. But jeez, is it too much to ask to not foist body-image issue onto our younguns? (Part I, Part II). Bonus Coverage II: If that bitch Mizelle (sp?) sees this, she gon' think two times about setting foot in West Philly's bottom (SoV, 1:14). Bonus Coverage III: Though I know neither Resse nor Donta personally, their classroom fracas came up while searching for a "philly fight," so I'll trust in the algorithm (SoV, 0:22).
• TNF's Beijing correspondent Anthony Tao shares a "particularly brutal and nasty one this week." Enjoy! (SoV, instantly)
• What really stands out about "Newburgh girl fight" is erbody imploring Christina (sp?) to kick her foe in the face. What is most offensive about said melee is how the videographer loses all sense of responsibility halfway in. (SoV, 0:08)
• The Defend 'Yorself' Versus Knife Attack One-To-Grow-On:
• Then, there was that time in Augusta — which appears much different when Jim Nantz leaves town — that tittays, head stompings, WorldStar! chants and assorted nuggets of violence led to the firin' of shots. (SoV, instantly)
• Shit was poppin' off outside the VFW in Salisbury, Md., yo. (SoV, instantly)
• Others: "AICC,cong workers street fight at karimnagar,crime,andhrapradesh congress." "BRAWL Venezuela Parliament FIGHTS | MPs in Punchup 30-04-2013." "Another beatdown in Knoxville's Craziest projects." "Ratchet fight at stevens high." "CHICAGO STREET FIGHT." "Selma high street fight." "2stiff brawl." "fremont fight." "Twitter Brawl." "Street Fight." "Fight on Race Street!"
• The Vegas Street-Fight Coda: