A teacher and a convict, neither one of them expected to end up in those places but that’s what life had in store. Mark Cooper a.k.a. Coop, was a promising basketball prospect that didn’t quite make it to the NBA, and Crewe was a great NFL player until he, ya know, point shaved. Crewe ended up in prison for drunk driving and that’s where the audience found out that he is also a helluva basketball player (the Adam Sandler Crewe, not the Burt Reynolds one). He called no fouls while one of the inmates bloodied his face with Anderson Silva-style elbows and fists, and still almost won the game with a wet jumper and deft ball handling. Coop did get one final shot in the NBA and actually hit a game-winning shot over Charles Barkley. Unfortunately for Coop, Šarūnas Marčiulionis returned from injury and he was back to teaching, and eventually coaching. In real life, Barkely would go on to win the MVP for the Phoenix Suns later that season. Crewe was on the path to redeeming himself and had a more accomplished athletic career, even if it was coated with shame, while Coop was an actual role model. It all depends on what you’re looking for in your athletes, the guy who did it the right way, or the guy who had to recklessly lose it all, to figure out anything about life. - Stephen Knox

Wizard Kelly and Jackie Moon’s business acumen exceeded their athletic ability. Jackie Moon nearly parlayed one hit song into NBA ownership. And while he didn’t possess the same physical gifts as Wizard Kelly, he was an innovator on the hardwood. He and the spirit of his momma, played by Pattie Labelle, were pioneers of the alley-oop in the ABA.

Meanwhile, Wizard Kelly spent the entire tenure of the Proud Family hiking up prices at his numerous businesses. Athletically, Wizard is a superior athlete, but his “me, me, me” attitude could be grating. Wizard Kelly seemed like a harmless philanthropist in 2005, but age brings wisdom and he was clearly a villain. Jackie Moon brought a winner to Flint, Michigan. Unfortunately, he was a one-hit wonder who had no business playing in the ABA. Fourth place was the best he could do whereas Wizard Kelly was a mogul, icon and champion. - DJ Dunson

Nate Wilson was the straw that stirred the drink for the New York Knicks in Eddie. He was the one that got her to finally reach out and connect with the players instead of treating them like Ronnie from Staten Island in section 330 of Madison Square Garden. Throughout the movie, Wilson had the respect of the whole team and when he started to play, he looked like the player that inspired Nikola Jokić’s game. Wilson had dribble handoffs, bounce passes, and no-looks that’ll make a player’s headspin. It was also Eddie inserting him into the lineup that turned the Knicks’ season around (SN: Huge plot hole in this movie, the owner had a plan to move the Knicks out of New York. The people would cut the power to the whole city before they let that happen.) The only thing we know about Cochise’s game is that he got a scholarship to Grambling and has a wicked jump shot. The man is also the coolest cat in Chicago, and between dates he still manages to take time to remember the “brothers who ain’t here,” before a sip of wine. Oh Cochise, why did you have to get in that stolen car? Cutting class and stealing lunch from the zoo is one thing, but this is criminal behavior. Still, it shouldn’t have cost you your life. I know Damon wasn’t trying to kill you, but that last punch was a sucker move. Like Preach said over your grave, you could’ve been the greatest. “It’s so hard to say to say goodbye to yesterday,” *G.C. Cameron version please and thank you. - Stephen Knox

Kevin may have hated all things broccoli and healthy, but he was a sportsman. There was the episode when he turned the petty cash Oscar gave him into next month’s rent money by playing “acey deucey, wolf, bingo bango bongo” and other golf games during a business outing. How about the casino night reveal that he won a WSOP bracelet. We also learned during the basketball episode of The Office that his J is silky. His overall resume in the highly competitive Sitcom Conference is why he’s a six seed.

Had Hang Time not fizzled out with two coaches in six seasons, including Reggie Theus and Dick Butkus, Julie Connor being a star on the boys team would’ve earned her a higher seed. Also, Anthony Anderson did two seasons as a teenager on the show and sounds exactly the same as he does today, which is disorienting when you’re not expecting it. March is about matchups, and Kevin better take Julie more seriously than he did Phyllis at the poker table. (Or not because people are obsessed with The Office, and Kevin is incredible.) - Sean Beckwith

A lovable ’90s commercial character, and a notorious flagrant fouler team up for one of the most unlikely buddy cop comed— err, first-round matchups of the tournament.

Grandmama — aka prime Larry Johnson dunking on you as an elderly woman — was kind of a precursor to Uncle Drew with a Mrs. Doubtfire twist. Perhaps a less funny omen to come from Grandmama was her appearance in an episode of Family Matters when she teamed up with Urkel in a two-on-two tournament because Eddie ditched Urkel for a better player. Grandmama and Urkel cruised to the final game to face Eddie, but in tragic LJ fashion, Grandmama strained her hammy. I’m going to save the end for the Urkel portion because unlike Eddie, he made the bracket.

The 14-seed Deacon Moss will need a lot of luck to upset Grandmama because he won’t have the home-court advantage that looked the other way on — or in some cases assisted with — flagrant fouls. I don’t think the refs will count alley-oops to Cheeseburger Eddie either. Michael Irvin looked spry for a retired guy in the Longest Yard reboot and it appeared he could hoop, but he’s a football player and his overly physical, foul-laden style of play shows it. Also, there’s no way the refs are going to let a felon elbow an old lady. - Sean Beckwith

Rob Brown is one of those actors that Hollywood decided is still able to play a high school character five years after he played one as a teenager. Brown was impressive, not only in Coach Carter (2005), but also in his literal first role, per IMDB, as Jamal Wallace in Finding Forrester (2000). He held his own as an actor alongside the legendary Sean Connery. Wallace is a basketball prodigy, but is also just as talented as a writer. No one in New York can handle Wallace, but when he played Kenyon Stone, he and the rest of his teammates were no match for Ty Crane. Coach Carter is based on a true story, but when a story from 1999 becomes a movie in 2005, some liberties will be taken. For cinematic purposes there had to be a basketball villain, and Sidney Faison crushed the role as Ty Crane, the best player in the state, and possibly the United States of America. He tortured Brown’s team twice from every spot on the floor, scoring whenever he felt like it, and told a reporter who asked is he the next LeBron James, “I’m the only Ty Crane.” Two standouts from opposite coasts. The pensive point guard from the Bronx, and the ferocious forward from Cali. This may be the best matchup of the first round. - Stephen Knox

Two preeminent shit talkers meet up in a 2-15 matchup that will be lopsided, yet entertaining. Very few people can hold their own in a verbal sparring match with Dean, who once said, “I don’t mean to brag... but I’m the greatest!” It’s not solely verbal, either. Shuffling around the Venice courts with your hand in the air because it’s too pretty to put down, or shifting your ass when warning about the wind might be more annoying than talking, because on the beach baby, the wind can push the ball to the left or right 6 to 8 inches.

However, Paper Boi doesn’t give a shit if you’re Black Justin Bieber, he’s going to tell you he hates your music before ruining the charity basketball game with a flagrant foul-turned-wrestling match. The only bucket made by Paper Boi actor Brian Tyree Henry showed he’s less of a refined basketball player and more of an enforcer. He does have a nice block, but fails to stay in front of Biebs, and also gets ripped of the ball — and pride — by Austin Crute’s incredible character. (Black Justin Bieber was too niche to make the bracket despite clearly being better at basketball than Paper Boi — and just being fucking hysterical in general.)

When you watch Wesley Snipes hoop in White Men Can’t Jump, he actually looks like he can play. I don’t feel that way about Paper Boi, regardless of how much I co-sign with his methods. Dean is one of the tourney favorites, and I wouldn’t be shocked to see a rematch with Billy Hoyle in the finals. - Sean Beckwith