The Gruesome Reason This Has Been The Best Tour De France Yet

We may earn a commission from links on this page.

They finally figured it out - men cycling on an open road is boring. But add some obstacles: cars, bikes, barbed wire, random spectators, all out to stop the riders by any means necessary, and we've got ourselves a sport. A living video game. Here's why we've been loving the first week of DeathFrance 3000.

We watched yesterday's spectacular video of a car running a couple of riders off the road, but we initially failed to notice Johnny Hoogerland in the back, get sent flying off the road only to stop gruesomely short, tangled in a barbed wire fence. He suffered deep lacerations, but somehow finished the race. He's a man.


Who's to blame? The car, of course, a TV car for France Television. The five cyclists caught up included Tour Leader Thomas Voeckler, who had signaled for a water bottle. It was announced over the race radio, which all TV cars are supposed to be listening to, that cars should have given way to allow the water to be brought up. The France Television car did not hear, or did not heed, and tried to pass the riders instead, leading to the carnage.

France Television has apologized, and that car has had its media credentials revoked.


Amazingly, Sorensen wasn't injured and was able to get a new bike and catch up with the pack. The motorcycle driver has been banned from the Tour.<\/p>

Maxim Iglinskiy clipped a spectator<\/a> (the man in yellow, it's much easier to see on the reply) and starting a chain reaction that brought down more than half of the main pack. Included was Iglinskiy's teammate, Alberto Contador, who won last year's Tour while testing positive for clenbuterol. His explanation of tainted beef was apparently good enough for the Spanish Cycling Federation to clear him. See? It's not just random violence. DeathFrance 3000 chooses its victims well.<\/p>