The Indians Just Can't Find People To Give Them Money

It's difficult, in a world of Citi Field and the University of Phoenix Stadium, to have much sympathy for a team that's having trouble selling naming rights to their ballpark. But because the Indians have slowly become the Official Postseason Team Of Deadspin, we glance nevertheless.

Yes, the Indians have been forced to hire a firm to help them sell their stadium name, and part of the reason might be the unfortunately named local businesses.

Eaton Corporation: They're big, they have money, they seem stable, and the name is generally inoffensive. Given the vague and wide-ranging nature of their business, however — the description of their core business consists of a 53-word, three semi-colon sentence — they just kind of scare me. They're like a real world Extensive Enterprises, and if I'm a Tribe fan, the last two people I want to see in the owners' box are Xamot and Tomax.

You know what? We wish there were a corporation called Herein Resides The Team Insensitively Named After A Peoples That We Raped And Killed So We Could Build Strip Malls. We'd buy stock in that company.

Naming Rights Crisis In Cleveland [ShysterBall]