Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise

The NFL Babelfish Translation

Illustration for article titled The NFL Babelfish Translation

Because it has more people than New Jersey — and THAT'S a lot of people — China has garnered the attention of major sports league; you gotta expand somewhere. The NFL is doing everything it can to gain traction there, but it's important that your consumers understand, you know, what the heck is going on with your product. So they have come up with an encyclopedia defining certain football terms. We think we should all start using them. Some examples:

• Blitz = Lightning war against the QB
• Onside kick = Gambling kickoff
• Punt = Give it up and kick it back
• Sack = Capture the commander in chief
• Touchdown = Step on the enemy's territory


We think Sunday's game would be more fun to watch if Phil Simms kept yelling "It's a lightning war against the QB!" The real question: What would they call a Tony Romo fumbled snap?

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