Sports News Without Access, Favor, Or Discretion

The One Where A Former NFL Assistant Coach Lets Us Know He's Not, In Fact, This Scantily Clad Woman

We get a massive amount of tips in our inbox each week. Some are pretty interesting, but don't get published for one reason or another.

It's usually because they're just so absurd or really lack even the most tenuous of news angles to give them the go-ahead. Other times it's because they're just absolute horseshit. But every Friday until we get sick of running them, we'll present to you some of these not-so-shiny gems. All items should be treated as [Sic'd]. Enjoy...


Sir, We Have No Idea What You're Talking About

Hello Tommy,

I was surprised to see to see the photo of a scantily clad woman when I performed a Google search of myself, Doug Plank. As you can note by your website, at one time I was head coach of the Georgia Force arena football team. As a former NFL player and NFL coach, I take great pride in the numerous independently published articles about my career. Usually they have an appropriate photograph attached to them.

It has been brought to my attention, by a number of people, including family members, fans and colleagues that the image of the woman on your website is an inappropriate representation of who I am. Since I have absolutely no affiliation with this person, I would greatly appreciate it if you would be so considerate as to remove the image from any and all postings with my name on them.

If you would like a photograph of me for your files for future use, please don't hesitate to contact me. Your help with this is greatly appreciated.


Doug Plank


Not A Fan Of That Loathsome Jew, Barry Petchesky

I loathe Barry P. Do you read his articles. One of ten is funny. One of five is coherent. Also his NY prejudice is rampant. I prefer the lady who replaced him a thousand times more. I would rather fuck Precious while on her period than be forced to read his writing. It is AWFUL. PLEASE PLEASE replace him with someone who is less jewish and more like Magary. I know there has to be someone out there. Fucking please. I will bottle up RKelly's piss and give it to you for free to pour on a 14 year olds head. PLEASE get him out of my favorite site.
From Texas with love,
Chase P.


Quinn Snyder: Cooze-Hound, Lover Of Pizza

This is an older story, but I recently discovered you guys like stories about when journalists find their way INTO people's houses.

I delivered pizza in Columbia, Missouri between 2005-2006 for a locally owned company (while I was in school). Quinn particularly liked our pizza, and though he kept a low profile in Columbia, would order from us about once a week. He was going through a divorce with his gorgeous wife at the time, so whenever we took the deliveries to his mansion (which did not have an address), we were never sure if it was going to be him or his wife. It was never both of them.

They would call in and remind us how to get to their unmarked house in the bottom of a subdivision in the south part of town.

A few times when I delivered there, I would try to pull a stat from the most recent game... or text my friends and ask them to tell me what to ask him. I would always say stuff like "Man I'm on the Leo Lyons bandwagon! What did he have like 13 boards tonight?"

he would usually laugh it off.

So one time we got a delivery order from a guy named "Quinn," but not at his usual place. I quickly snatched up that delivery because I had a feeling it would be him. The delivery was to MY apartment complex on the opposite side of town from his house. The apartment number was missing, and in place it was the owners suite of the clubhouse (they had built a nice suite above the clubhouse for guests of the owner, etc. Sort of a penthouse). When I knocked on the door I got a "hold on" from inside, and a few moments later Quinn answered the door with no shoes, socks, or shirt. There he stood, bare chested and only sporting a pair of basketball nylon pants. I heard a voice in the background (he obviously had a girl over), and he sort of frantically asked me if I had change for a 100. I said no, and he shoved the 100 dollar bill in my hand, snatched the pizza, and said, "thanks a lot man."

I'm pretty sure it was hush money. He wasn't quite divorced yet.

A few things I learned from the experience:

1) Quinn has balls.
2) Quinn has a pretty decent body.
3) Quinn likes sex.
4) Quinn likes thin crust pizza.
5) Quinn has hush money at his disposal, and is not afraid to use it.

That hush money bought him 3 and a half years. I think he's divorced by now so whatever. This story is too good not to put on deadspin.

I'm staying anonymous.

Jaimee Grubbs Enjoys Being The Official Ambassador of Tiger Woods' Cock

hey guys- thanks for the exposure a couple weeks ago with that jamie grubbs shit. got some laughs from it. here are some pics of the homewrecker from the night of the event. thinking you'll like the one with the gatorade bottle. all pics are found on - if youre ever in chicago and looking for a good time hit me up. take care


The Downside Of Fainting Fame

Hi A.J.,

This is Nikki Allen, the woman that fainted during an interview in Panama City back in March. I was hoping that you could remove the post "Volleyball Fainter is Fine, Thanks For Asking"

I just hate that if someone google's my name, that this is one of the top things that comes up. I was able to get other websites to do the same, as well as the news station to remove from youtube, hope that you will too. Thanks and I would really appreciate if you could do this.

Nikki Allen


(Ed. Note. Yeah. Tomorrow, I guess.)

It's Never Good News When Nick Denton Invites You To Watch Him Drink Strawberry Milk


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