Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise

The video above is what it looks like when the 0-5 Detroit Pistons attempt to play defense. Yep, that's JaVale McGee taking the ball from the three-point line to the rim for an uncontested dunk. The Pistons somehow managed to out-JaVale JaVale.

This snippet of sadness crystallizes the Pistons' woe in their first five games. Detroit's starting backcourt of Brandon Knight and Rodney Stuckey is shooting a combined 26 percent from the floor. Decrepit dinosaur-man Tayshaun Prince is still managing to wake up every day and play 30 minutes per game. Grossest-Dukie-of-all-time Kyle Singler is getting 22 minutes per game. The Pistons are scoring just 90.2 points per game while surrendering 103.5. The offense has to date plodded along at the 24th-slowest pace in the league, which might lead you to believe that the Pistons play a hard-nosed, defensive style of basketball, until you realize that they also have the 28th-worst defensive rating in the game. Their big arena was three-quarters full on opening night.


One of the team's few reliable spectators is Charlie Villanueva, who still has two years left on his $40 million contract and has yet to play a single minute this year. Three years ago, Villanueva was signed with hopes he'd lead the team's scoring attack alongside Ben Gordon (who was sent to Charlotte with his $60 million contract, in exchange for Corey Maggette, during the offseason). But Villanueva's only purpose these days is to rot on the bench and serve as a sad, sad reminder of how everything went wrong.

Could things get better? Sure! Monroe is good. Drummond looks like he knows how to play basketball, as opposed to the last big-man lottery pick from UConn. And surely Knight's shooting should pick back up.

But you probably shouldn't expect too much improvement:

Illustration for article titled The Poor Detroit Pistons Are Currently The Most Depressing Team In The NBA

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