A truly unfortunate woman in Little Rock, Ark. is the victim of one of the shittiest possible crimes: a mad poopening.
In the tradition of the Mad Pooper of Colorado Springs (and possibly her tribute act up in Orchard Park, N.Y.), a runner left a large crap on Tiffany Mattzela’s driveway while out on a run last weekend. She assumed it was an innocent mistake or an animal, until she checked security footage and discovered the pooper to be a man on a run.
“When we did, we found it was not a dog,” Mattzela explained. “It was a person who had been jogging down the street, ran up between our two cars, defecated, and ran away.”
The perp, dubbed the Shit Bandit, returned to the scene of the crime yesterday and went a step further, leaving a soiled paper towel in the handle of Mattzela’s car, which she touched while opening the door. That would seem to wipe out any chance of the turd being unintentional. As this appears to be a revenge poop, Mattzela has notified Little Rock PD, who are investigating.
If you have any information about this new Mad Pooper, or if you yourself did the craps, please don’t hesitate to email me.