Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Illustration for article titled The Steelers Privacy Tarp Would Be No Match For My Espionage Abilities
Photo: Jeffrey Phelps (AP)

Last week came reports of the Pittsburgh Steelers erecting a tarp wall at the end of their practice field, apparently for the purpose of keeping prying eyes away from their football activities. When asked about the tarp, head coach Mike Tomlin mentioned “drones and so forth,” and the need for his players to have a “level and fair competitive playing field.” Today, we got our first look at the tarp:


Are you kidding me? Is this some sort of joke? There is no way that puny little wall would prevent me from spying. It wouldn’t even accomplish its stated purpose of thwarting drone observation! I would simply attach a camera to my trusty spy drone and fly it higher than the wall reaches, which is not very high if we’re being honest, and laugh as I captured all of the Steelers most sacred football secrets.

Other ways I would outwit this so-called wall:

  • Walking up to it and just peeking through the cracks.
  • Moving like 20 yards in either direction until the wall was outside my line of vision.
  • Scaling the wall.
  • Tunneling under the wall.
  • Destroying the wall (in desperate situations only as doing so would likely blow my cover).

Your wall cannot protect you, Steelers. Your football knowledge will never be safe from me.

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