In Lucifer’s dream social media booking, last night saw a Twitter fight between Trevor Bauer — what would happen if that meme of a cartoon man staring at a butterfly came to life — and Aubrey Huff, a human tobacco spit cup. For most of the country it took place in the middle of the night, when sadly, the Men In Black were suffering budget cuts and couldn’t save us from these creatures as they slithered out from behind a supply closet.
It all started when Bauer sold out his union by decrying their tactics that ended with MLB likely enforcing a 60-game season upon them. Bauer being wrong tends to feed on itself, where he’s more and more inclined to be wrong, the more and more wrong he is. While the details of Bauer’s first salvo might technically be correct in the eyes of some, the idea that the union had to wait until the next CBA negotiation to actually put up a fight is beyond ridiculous.
This was a fight because the owners simply went back on what they had already agreed to, and once you cede that ground, there’s really no going back. How would CBA negotiations in ‘21 even start out if the players had rolled over once again on things they were actually promised? The grievance players can file is their big hammer to perhaps level the ground a bit when those CBA negotiations roll around.
Baseball media has always given Bauer far too much leeway to do his thinking-out-loud-about-nothing act, because he never shuts up and he promotes analytics, which covers all the ejaculation points for the press. They get quotes and they get affirmation for metrics. Combine either of those with oxygen and this is all any of them need, and all they need to ignore how Bauer is a racist, sexist jackass.
If that wasn’t dumb enough, though it surely was, Huff joined in to make this, truly, a playground-level “You’re a stupid-head!” fight. You know when you rouse Huff from his septic-tank home, like Beetlejuice, you’ve really entered the realm of the lost.
Once again, Bauer cited analytics to compare their two careers, which will make fodder for baseball announcers whenever there’s baseball again that will entirely miss the point. Pulling out the bastion of the damned LeBron-MJ lever, Huff posted a picture of his two rings (speaking of which, Aubs: Buster and Lincecum are due your monthly checks for those).
This exchange that set society back even more, which is saying something at this current point in history, wouldn’t have been complete without use of terms like “princess,” “cuck,” and “sugar tits” just in case misogyny was feeling left out watching stupidity having all the fun. Oh, and a “geek” thrown in for good measure, because anti-intellectualism is now its own star on the flag.
Drink the poison, take the ride.