This Man Will Not Defecate For Less Than Your Annual Salary

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

•A Stanford booster built coach Jim Harbaugh a private bathroom that cost between $50,000 and $70,000. Despite the university being in the midst of budget cuts, it's a wise investment: it'll keep Harbaugh from shitting the bed, like he did so many times in his playing career.

•This week's Sports Illustrated promises fans it will be "100% Favre-Free." Translation: he signed with the Vikes right before deadline, and we didn't feel like rewriting our NFL previews.

•Your toothless lede: "Animal rights groups and the Philadelphia Eagles are looking at ways they can join forces to combat dogfighting." A humble suggestion: don't pay convicted ringleaders of dogfighting rings millions of dollars.

•The Dodgers came to Colorado, and got beaten by the best team in the NL West. Two-game deficit be damned, the rolling Rockies have two-straight walk-off wins, all the momentum, and for some reason, Jason Giambi.

•What we've all been waiting for: the WWE is planning to launch their own TV network. Now the long-past-their-prime wrestlers like Shawn Michaels, the Undertaker and Tommy Dreamer will live on forever in classic matches, instead of dragging on forever on the damn PPVs.

• Seahawks sign old and crappy Edgerrin James. This will not remove the stink of past running back options young and crappy Maurice Morris, or old and crappy Shaun Alexander.

•And let's all laugh at Serena Williams as she tries and fails to win the carnival "hammer game:"