Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Illustration for article titled This Woman Does Not Like Us Making Fun Of The Texans

Many people are fans of Why Your Team Sucks. But some people are NOT fans of Why Your Team Sucks. This is an email we received in response to yesterday’s Texans preview.



So as a blog writer of sorts to my friends, family and “others” via Facebook the article from Drew is about as poor as it gets!! Is that all it takes to become a staff writer at Deadspin? Well, boy howdy as people think they say down here in texas give me fuckin’ job a a staff writer!!

So I will break it down in a top ten as I normally do on areas I would like to assert my opinion and clearly superior writing and intelligence skills as compared to this Dave Magary who I hope is make believe as I would push him over in his chair immediately to assert my dominance and supremacy like a lion does in the wild. So here goes:

10. You are so far removed from understanding who JJ Watt is it’s like you are a small baby eating gerber style frank and beans trying to understand how to be a better writer. Maybe you should find yourself a writing cabin out there in the woods are start trying to jump squat at least the 24 inches high of paper you have actually published. If you succeed please don’t hesitate to kiss each of your 6 inch writing engorged biceps. You really suck Drew Magary.

9. Dude, your Google picture looks like you just finished drinking a twelve pack and threw on a Viking helmet in your high school bedroom but you also look a bit like you have a retardation issue. But maybe that’s just the beer seeping out of the picture. But your writing leads me to believe you are retarded. Drew Magary your writing sucks.

8. What does this guy know about Houston? Does Drew Magary know anything about Houston? Cowboys dipping into skoal cans, fat women in skimpy clothing? Take a look in the friekin mirror my viking hat wearing d’bag who can’t write. You ever seen the women in Houston? You have not. You ever been to a strip club in Houston? I don’t think you would give a shit if it were in a school or in JJ Watt’s log cabin. And you seriously are going to make fun of one of the most world renowned charity giving associations in the United States in the Livestock Show and Rodeo? I think your education at “Colby Cheese College” says it all. Dave er’’ Drew Magary your writing sucks major balls.

7. Your school mascot is a “White Mule” Dave…er Drew. We have a Bull representing the Texans. What a pussy mascot that is. I don’t care what your mascot represents. to me it has pussy written all over it. To me it’s just a shitty ass mule and down here we breed bulls Dave/Drew. We are real men down here in Texas…..not liberal arts fags who try to write about shit they don’t know anything about. We are lions, you are the Wilda friekin beast we eat for breakfast.

6. To the emperor of “Colby Cheese College”. Please scrutinize your graduating class as a public company would scrutinize the viability of their financial statements via Sarbanes Oxley. It is obscene you let a guy like Charley Magary….er Drew slip through the cracks. He is giving Colby Cheese College a bad name.

5. To Bob McNair and the Texans organization. Let’s have JD Clowney send his Dad over to visit one Mr. Magary once he pays his bond. I’m sure we can get Charlie/Dave/Drew straightened up pretty quick.

4. What do you know about Chuck Norris films and the term “Merica”. You think you can just loosely throw those types of things around via your simplistically retarded writing style? And then also have the nerve to weave in anything JJ Watt related alongside of it? You speak flat out “blasphemy” Charley…..aka Dave/Drew. You know the only person who can use that term and is a fictional character so if I see you ever using this again in your so-called writing I am going to literally strip you of your writing privileges by having you run over in a race car driven by a cougar.

3. To all of the sorority girls who never gave Charley aka. Dave/Drew the time of day. Congratulations……you saved yourself a tremendous amount of time, effort, headache backed by retarded writing. You are a retard Drew Magary and your writing sucks.

2. If there is a Mrs. Magary I apologize for this top ten but I think you can relate. I am certain you have found some sort of shining beacon of light in Charley’s writing that you find adoring. But know this……I am taking his shitty job over because I cannot allow Deadspin to put themselves in the position they have with employing this style of retarded writing. I will send over the checks in earn to help support Charley/Drew/Dave and the family in your time of need and donate the rest to charity.

1. The Houston Texans, The City of Houston, Bob McNair, Me and all of my fellow Houstonians would like to wish you get over your retardation and recent article and would like to wish you and your Colby Cheese College alumni the best. Here’s to you getting better at writing Charley/Dave/Drew……..the checks will begin to flow once you are fired by the editor and I am hired.

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