Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise

Three Points? Three Goddamn Points?

This motherfucker. This little baby we’ve been hearing about all year. The wunderkind who’s revolutionizing football and forcing owners all over the league to hand their teams over to the first stubbled quarterbacks coach they can find. He scored three points in the Super Bowl!


Plenty of NFL writers will spend today explaining to us all exactly how this happened. They’ll tell you that Sean McVay was flummoxed by the Patriots playing a lot of zone, that New England threw all sorts of disguised fronts at him, and that consistent pressure up the middle kept the Rams’ offense out of rhythm. These are all true explanations and more evidence that Bill Belichick is a great game-planner, and to all of them I say: big fucking deal!

This motherfucker Sean McVay romped through the regular season with an offense capable of scoring 40 points on anyone who got in the way, and he got his pants pulled down in front of the entire world because he couldn’t deal with ... a zone defense? Sure, he probably wasn’t expecting the Pats to play so much of it, but shouldn’t the baby genius of the NFL be able to make some adjustments? The zone defense has been around for a long time! Having to alter your gameplan in a way that allows your very talented football players to pick one apart isn’t like learning a foreign language on the fly. It’s normal football shit that any semi-competent football coach should be equipped to do. I bet even Matt Patricia could have figured out a way to score more than three points last night, and Matt Patricia is a moron.

McVay had nothing. He couldn’t figure out a way to buy Jared Goff any time to throw. He couldn’t find enough room in the scheme to get Todd Gurley—probably the best running back in the league—more than 11 touches. He couldn’t get any receiver besides Brandin Cooks open. Why didn’t Gurley spend the whole night catching screen passes and outflanking the Pats’ blitzes? Why didn’t McVay have a single call in his playbook capable of catching the Patriots by surprise?

There’s no good excuse for his failure, which should go down as the most humiliating performance in Super Bowl history. The Falcons blew a 28-3 lead, but at least they were able to score 28 points in the first place. Their demise at least had some tragedy to it, whereas the Rams were nothing but pathetic. Doug Pederson and his big-dicked backup quarterback went up against this same Pats team just last season, and they scored 41 damn points. Beating the Patriots is hard, but it is not as hard as McVay made it look last night.

It seems like McVay thought he could take his team to Atlanta and just keep doing the same things he’s been doing all season and somehow still win the game. But the thing about the Super Bowl is that you have to come with some new shit, otherwise you’re just walking in there with the same plays that the other team spent the last two weeks studying. McVay came in with the old shit, and when his go-to jet sweeps and stretch runs and bunch formations got pissed on, he had no ideas. Give Belichick and his creative scheming all the credit if you want, but creative scheming should be the bare minimum that’s expected of any coach who reaches the Super Bowl. Thanks to Sean McVay, the bare minimum is all the Pats needed.