Tiger Woods Respectfully Asks Media To Refer To His Wife As "Hero" And Not "Club-Wielding Crazy Lady"

Tiger Woods was supposed speak with the FHP at 3 p.m. He canceled again, giving the reckless, irresponsible media one more day to speculate on what the hell happened early Friday morning. He did release a statement though.

As you all know, I had a single-car accident earlier this week, and sustained some injuries. I have some cuts, bruising and right now I'm pretty sore.

This situation is my fault, and it's obviously embarrassing to my family and me. I'm human and I'm not perfect. I will certainly make sure this doesn't happen again.

This is a private matter and I want to keep it that way. Although I understand there is curiosity, the many false, unfounded and malicious rumors that are currently circulating about my family and me are irresponsible.

The only person responsible for the accident is me. My wife, Elin, acted courageously when she saw I was hurt and in trouble. She was the first person to help me. Any other assertion is absolutely false.

This incident has been stressful and very difficult for Elin, our family and me. I appreciate all the concern and well wishes that we have received. But, I would also ask for some understanding that my family and I deserve some privacy no matter how intrusive some people can be.

In other Tiger melodrama news: the 911 tapes from a disoriented neighbor were released and Rachel Uchitel has retained a dragon-lady lawyer. Oh, and the National Enquirer has released pictures of Ashley Samson, Rachel's friend, who snitched to the tabloid about her friend's steamy relationship with "Bear."

Now, back to watching the Eagles lose to the goddamn Redskins.