In case you missed it last week, an enterprising Twitter user pointed out to Walmart that they were selling University of Maryland shirts with the nickname TERPS jammed into what is clearly an outline of Massachusetts:
Now that’s amusing in and of itself. But what makes this story unique is Walmart’s reaction to the error. Did they apologize? Did they recall the shirt and issue a new one that looks like, you know, fucking MARYLAND? They did not. This is the Age of Trump, people. There’s no need to ever admit a mistake when you can truther your way out of it. Here now are two actual replies to Samantha Ficco from Walmart’s official Twitter feed, both of which were tweeted in the dead of night, presumably after many fevered brand manager teleconferences:
Foldable Camping Cot
Adjustable and portable
Set the backrest to any position to fit your needs so you can relax out under the sun this summer.
Similarly shaped, eh? Let’s have a second a second look. Here is Maryland. And here is Massachusetts. You will notice a few subtle differences, apparently indistinguishable to the naked eye. First of all, Maryland is divided by the Chesapeake Bay. Secondly, Maryland’s Western panhandle looks nothing like Western Massachusetts, and mutilating the shape of it to accommodate TERPS when you can make a font literally any size you want seems foolhardy. Thirdly, when you look at the Maryland map, you will not find a tiny Tommy From Quinzee magically appearing on your shoulder and crying out WE LOVE OW-AH FACKIN’ DUNKIN’ DONUTS HERE IN MASS!
Anyway, here is the largest and wealthiest retail outlet in the universe trying to truther the shape of a state for no good reason whatsoever. I look forward to Walmart dictating more cool and hip state shape designs to us in the future. Like California!
The fuck is wrong with you, Walmart?
UPDATE: Walmart Twitter has apologized for the fiasco:
Who is Sonny and what did he do to Marie?