The slow-simmering beef between Rays starter Chris Archer and Astros mascot Orbit has spilled over into outright violence. If you are sensitive or a child or a sensitive child, please don’t watch this.
On Monday before the series opener, Archer opened hostilities by presenting Orbit with a “Declaration of Unfriendliness”:
Whereas general mischief and rascality has been among Orbit’s repeated trespasses, Chris Archer is hereby resolved to carry on a campaign of pranks, gags and high jinks in retaliation which include, but are not limited to, use of objects such as:
Water balloons
Whipped pies
Silly string
Small motorized vehicles
Bubblegum
Hand-crafted signage
And any of the considerable resources of a Major League clubhouse.
This resolution is authorized,
Chris Archer
Orbit promptly crumpled it up. But the war was on.
On Tuesday, before Archer’s start, Orbit made sure to have a special performance booster delivered to the visiting clubhouse.
Archer didn’t take the bait. He pitched six innings and got the win.
Before last night’s game, Archer presented Orbit with a diploma from the prestigious University of Raymond:
It was a trap! Merely a trap, designed to get Orbit to drop his guard so lurking Rays players could ambush Orbit with water balloons.
Orbit retrieved his weapon, a big ol’ water gun, and enacted some measure of revenge. But as long as Archer and Orbit draw breath, they will be at war.