Sports News Without Access, Favor, Or Discretion

We Have A Blood Feud Between Chris Archer And Orbit

Bob Levey/Getty Images

The slow-simmering beef between Rays starter Chris Archer and Astros mascot Orbit has spilled over into outright violence. If you are sensitive or a child or a sensitive child, please don’t watch this.

On Monday before the series opener, Archer opened hostilities by presenting Orbit with a “Declaration of Unfriendliness”:

Whereas general mischief and rascality has been among Orbit’s repeated trespasses, Chris Archer is hereby resolved to carry on a campaign of pranks, gags and high jinks in retaliation which include, but are not limited to, use of objects such as:

Water balloons

Whipped pies

Silly string

Small motorized vehicles

Bubblegum

Hand-crafted signage

And any of the considerable resources of a Major League clubhouse.

This resolution is authorized,

Chris Archer

Orbit promptly crumpled it up. But the war was on.

Advertisement

On Tuesday, before Archer’s start, Orbit made sure to have a special performance booster delivered to the visiting clubhouse.

Archer didn’t take the bait. He pitched six innings and got the win.

Before last night’s game, Archer presented Orbit with a diploma from the prestigious University of Raymond:

Advertisement

It was a trap! Merely a trap, designed to get Orbit to drop his guard so lurking Rays players could ambush Orbit with water balloons.

Advertisement

Orbit retrieved his weapon, a big ol’ water gun, and enacted some measure of revenge. But as long as Archer and Orbit draw breath, they will be at war.

Share This Story

Get our newsletter

About the author