We'd Like To Have An Argument, Please

The scores are in, and Asheville Tourists manager Joe Mikulik gets an overall 9.6 from the judges for his zany tirade during his team's Class A game on Sunday night in Lexington, Ky. This one had it all, including not only on-field antics, but quotes afterward, and the piling of two water coolers and a pitching screen to block the door of the umpires' dressing room. You've got to get bonus points for that. The fracas occurred during the fifth inning of the Tourists' game with the Lexington Legends and involved Lexington's Koby Clemens, of all people. Clemens had just doubled, and Asheville pitcher Brandon Durden tried to pick him off of second. Umpire Andy Russell called Clemens safe, and with that, let's start the feud!

In quick order, the manager: tossed his hat to the pitcher's mound; took a head-first slide into second; uprooted the base, showed it to Russell and tossed it, a la Lou Piniella; grabbed the resin bag and flung it to the right-field bullpen; confronted plate umpire Stephen Barga and kicked dirt on the ump's feet; kicked the batter's box lines; kicked dirt on the plate; went to his knees to further cover the plate by hand; fired four bats from the dugout; returned to "clean" home plate with contents of a water bottle; squatted in the umpire position in a mock glance toward the mound; and spiked the bottle on the plate.

Key quote from our protagonist:

I just wish the umpire's association would train their young men to have a personality. I could get two mannequins at Sears and umpire better than what I saw this whole series.

And right now Clemens is saying: "I thought my dad was nuts ..."

Manager's Tirade Gives Fans Sideshow [Lexington Herald-Leader] Kicking And Screaming [SI.com]

(UPDATE: And here's your video.)