Sports News Without Access, Favor, Or Discretion

This is today's New York Post cover. For the sake of comparison, this was the Philly Daily News's cover back in September. Yeah, the Post should've just punted that shit out of bounds.

There's a lot of Philadelphia triumphalism going 'round these days; Bob Costas even performed one of his cute little postgame dub poems on this very topic. Philly is better at New York at football. Philly is better than New York at hockey. Philly is better than New York at luring coveted free agent pitchers. Philly is better than New York at drinking liquid from a bottle. In 1852, The New York Times could laugh at Philadelphia's putting on airs:

That city has evinced a feeling bordering on positive malignity towards her sister of New-York. She is not satisfied with a fair and legitimate rivalry, nor content to claim superiority in those things only in which she excels — checks, stockings and vermifuge.


(This is what they said in mid-19th-century America instead of "yo mama." Your city is so poor. [How poor is it?] It's so poor it mass-produces elastic garments and anthelmintic drugs. [Everyone busts up.])

Now? Now people in New York are writing nervous stuff like this. Now the sort of New Yorkers who worry neurotically about their city's place in the American pecking order — no matter what, New York will always be the best city in America at worrying whether it's still the best city in America at something or other — are hearing Philadelphia's footsteps. Now, maybe most amazingly, the Philly tabloids are coming up with better, more gleefully tasteless covers than their New York counterparts. "GIANTS DOG IT"? Actual dog heads? That's the best the Post could do? A weak pun and some bad Photoshop? From the paper that gave us "HEADLESS BODY IN TOPLESS BAR"? You win, Philly. You're the best. Top of the list. King of the hill. A-number-one.

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