Good morning, campers. I'll be your second substitute teacher of the week while Will's out mourning the passing of James Brown. Now, I'm no Will Leitch, but the good news is that you don't have to get used to a new captain on this ship. I've been around before. I know the lay of the land, and I like the cut of your jib. This isn't new to me.

That's right, I'm Alex Balk.

I kid, I kid... you're not that lucky. I'm MJD, the Deadspin weekend editor and the guy who brought you Jeff Reed's impeccably-groomed nether regions on Sunday. I realize that many of you haven't forgiven me for that, but I hope we can start the long and slow healing process today. I offer you this pledge: for the entirely of my stay here today, there will be no kicker cock. Probably.