Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise

What The Hell Is Jim Irsay Saying Here?

Here’s my best attempt at transcribing the speech that maniacal Colts owner Jim Irsay gave after his team’s wild-card win over the Texans:

Yes, ah, guys, congratulations, tremendous job. As coach said, clean game. Love it when you guys play a clean game. No stupid penalties. I mean, coach and I always talk about it, why hold on kick or punt returns? How many kick or punt returns happen in a year? About this many, OK? [holds up hand in the universal “zero” symbol]

Smart. You guys played smart. And coach and I talked a little bit before I came in here—you know me, I’m a rainmaker, you know, but it’s party time for you guys.

The only thing I wanna say—because we lose as a team and win as a team, as coach said. Dammit, men, we can play better! OK? DAMMIT we can play better. I KNOW we can play better.

But I am so proud of you guys. I can’t even—went in on the road, what you guys did, I mean, 14-point deficit, just incredible stuff. We win as a team, we lose as a team, like I said, ALWAYS!

Win three phases of the game: we’re team, team, team. No one gets singled out for good, bad, or indifferent, like coach said.

But you know me, I’m a perfectionist, guyyyys. I know you guys, and you got more in the tank, OK? Like 31 points, maybe? Maybe? [Team breaks out laughing] I’mma leave it at that, I’m sorry, I don’t want to be a Scrooge, I’m not Scrooge, I love you guys. [Blows air kiss]

A few notes: it took me several tries—and I’m still not totally certain—to get “perfectionist” at 1:08, his desire for 31 points seems like an extremely specific number (although the over/under for the game was 48), and I’m not sure what “rainmaker” could possibly mean in that context. The “14-point deficit” line refers to a Week 16 comeback win over the Giants.


New Orleans-based writer and editor

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