What The Hell Is This ESPN Johnny Manziel Segment?

ESPN’s Sunday NFL Countdown show is three hours long every week, and there’s only so many times Matt Hasselbeck can say something like, “The Chicago Bears defense just wants to win this week, and you need a defense that wants to win in order to succeed in the National Football League.” So it’s no surprise that dumb filler segments are commonplace—but seriously, come the fuck on with this worthless Johnny Manziel spot.

Baker Mayfield is currently the Cleveland Browns’ quarterback. Hey, you know who else used to be a young QB on the Browns??? Oh yeah, it’s Manziel who’s currently playing for the Montreal Alouettes but started eight games for Cleveland across the 2014 and ’15 seasons. According to ESPN, this qualifies him to give advice to Mayfield, and for some reason, they wanted Manziel to do it in the form of a brief letter.

Even worse than the idea, though, is the execution of the video, which has Manziel agonizing over a pad and paper like he’s writing from prison while solemnly intoning cliches over dark, reflective music:

Here is the full letter, which I include not because it contains even one ounce of profound thought, but just to emphasize how pointlessly empty is it:

Dear Baker, if there’s one thing you already know, one thing that everybody already knows, you and I are not the same person. No matter how many people try to compare us, even before the same team drafted us, we know we are never fully defined by the way we play, or the uniform we wear.

What I do know is this: life’s experiences are the best teachers. Through all the good days you’ll encounter over your career there, you’ll undoubtedly face some tough ones as well. Through all the good and the bad, stay close to your family, and more so, continue to be you. That’s what’s taken you from a walk-on to a Heisman trophy winner to a first-round draft pick.

Beyond all that, Baker, I simply want to wish you all the success that you deserve. I hope you don’t take a single day, a single snap, for granted. I hope you own the moment, and give the Browns fans every bit of happiness that they deserve.

Your friend, Johnny Manziel.

Man, just DM the dude and tell him “good luck.”