Ryan Lochte is a very fast and skilled swimmer who just helped the United States win a gold medal tonight. He’s also kind of a dumbass who’s sporting some truly, uh, unique hair at these Rio Olympics.
Can you find him here in the 4 x 2oo huddle?
There he is! My man looks like Milo Yiannopoulos, or like if Justin Bieber was a Pokémon and he evolved into a bigger Pokémon. Since the “mainstream press” won’t ask, fine; did Ryan Lochte see a ghost about a week ago? I think he’s been touched by the Great Beyond.
“Finally,” the hordes of blonde swimmers with chlorine-wrecked hair sighed, “a medalist for me.”