Sports News Without Access, Favor, Or Discretion

New Jersey at New England, CBS: In case you've never seen that one television completely dedicated to sports, the Patriots have already locked up a first-round bye but will have revenge on their mind with Mangini's blowing-whistle Jets coming to town. And personally, I want to see heads fucking role! I want a 95-3 score! I want crying! I want death! I want a calzone!

Jacksonville at Pittsburgh, CBS: The Steelers, who aim for the perfect 8-0 home record, hold just a one-game lead over the Browns in the AFC North. They will clinch tickets to dance if they beat the Jags today and take the division if Cleveland loses. And this should happen because ...


Buffalo at Cleveland, CBS: "Now in the biggest match-up of the week — a game that has playoff implications as far as the wild card goes — the Cleveland Browns vs. the Buffalo Bills. The team that I think will win this game is the Buffalo Bills." That was Kige Ramsey for this post. (Go Bills!)

Tennessee at Kansas City, CBS: Is Vince Young good or bad? Let's grade him! Here's The Legend of Cecilio Guante with the red pen: "Right now, if we had to judge Vince Young's first two seasons as an NFL quarterback based on his team, environment and expectations, we'd probably fall somewhere in the realm of a B-. But assuming Young leads the Titans to their first playoff appearance since 2004, following an 8-5 finish to the '06 season, how can you not give him solid marks?"

Baltimore at Miami, CBS: If the Dolphins plan on becoming just the second team in NFL history to not see a '1' in the win column then this has got to be the game they win. The Fins have won four of five regular-season meetings with the Ravens, including all three in Miami. That, and the Ravens suck ass. They've lost a franchise-worst seven straight.

Seattle at Carolina, FOX: Believe it or not, the Seahawks are shooting for their sixth straight win today. Yeah, I know! The Hawks have won five straight? When the hell did that happen? Apparently it's Seattle's longest winning streak since that 11-game run two seasons ago that got 'em to The Big Game™. Jeez. I thought they were like, 5-8. Seriously.


Atlanta at Tampa Bay, FOX: The stakes are simple Buccaneers — win this game and the NFC South is yours as well as a warm home playoff game. But hey, no pressure.

Green Bay at St. Louis, FOX: Donald Driver is the greatest Packers wide receiver of all time. Discuss.


The Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals at New Orleans, FOX: I'd preview this meeting of two 6-7 titans, but I really need to go buy some tennis balls before the stores close. Hey, do you know if it's chilly outside? It is? OK, I'll make sure to take a sweater then. Thanks.

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