Assuming this Cosmopolitan 69ing anecdote is legitimate, who’s the NBA player motivating his partner during simultaneous oral sex sessions?

“I was seeing this guy for a few years who happens to be an NBA player (and someone I had known for years). We started dating and it was like magic. Everything was perfect, until it was time to, uh, share the ball. Anytime we would 69, he would start to act like I was a teammate and all of a sudden, I became ‘D-Money’ as in, ‘Yeah, D-Money!’ or, ‘Let’s get it, D-Money.’ It’s like we were on the court during the Finals trying to finish strong for the win. But the funny part was it was only during our ‘double assist’ time together that he would do this. Needless to say I had a lovely time addressing the inspirational words of wisdom with him after a few times of pure puzzlement. Oh, and did he try to high-five me after? Obviously. Teamwork makes the dream work.” —DJ, 28

Considering that this would involve teamwork, we can rule out Melo.

[Cosmopolitan]


Contact the author at samer@deadspin.com.

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