“Succession” is back, and everyone is amped to glorify rich assholes again. The fervor for its highly anticipated return is usually reserved for things like the McRib, mask-free vacations (still waiting on this one), the “Spider-Man: No Way Home” trailer or, as this post would have it, the NFL season.
But the crazed buildup to “Succession’s” third season and the NFL season isn’t the only parallel between these two behemoths of American culture. There’s scandal, misogyny, cover-ups, inappropriate insults and, most importantly, the storyline of who will succeed an archaic apex predator who just won’t die.
So in honor of the Patriots sitting at 2-4 and the return of Kieran Culkin saying things like, “Don’t threaten me, Gerri, I don’t have time to jerk off,” let’s look at who’s in line to succeed Bill Belichick as the NFL’s top coach.
Logan Roy/Bill Belichick — It’s hard not to think someone’s reign of terror is over after seeing them take a piss in the middle of their office or think they can reteach Cam Newton how to throw a football. Surrounding yourself with yes men and a propensity for nepotism is a blueprint for mediocrity, but it’s hard to ignore the moments of brilliance brought about by being backed into a corner.
Yes, both needed a little luck to hold on to the top spot (Kendall pulling a Chappaquiddick and Mac Jones falling to 15), but it’s quickly becoming apparent that it will end — probably sooner than later. Will we get one more round of “Boar on the Floor?”