Why Your Hometown Columnist Sucks: C.W. Nevius

And now it's time for a new category: columnists who left sports to write for the living section but still manage to write about sports most of the time. Frankly, we're not sure why C.W. Nevius left the sports pages of the San Francisco Chronicle to begin with, but one day we looked there and he was gone. Busted down to East Bay Living, writing about Renaissance Fairs and gardening. And about every other column, sports. So why didn't he just stay in the sports section to begin with? The answers are shrouded in mystery. Here's the vital statistics. Name: C.W. Nevius. Writes For: The San Francisco Chronicle. Most Often Seen On: KTVU Mornings on 2. Nicknames: C.W. Devious; Chuck; The Old Quote Poacher. His Own Explanation On Why His Old Local TV Sports Panel Show Was Cancelled: "Apparently we were scaring too many kids. Glenn Dickey, Ray Ratto, Dave Newhouse and I were not the faces most pre-teens needed to see after dinner." Most Resembles: Edward James Olmos. Best Quote About Him In A Chat Room: "I think the author's attitude was formed by all the wedgies the heterosexuals gave him in the locker room." OK, here's the deal: We can forgive you for your gratuitous slam of NASCAR, in which you called the drivers "paunchy" before charging them with racism (that's tackling the big issues, Chuck). We can even overlook your hit piece on the Girl Scouts, in which you attacked Thin Mints, which is JUST WRONG. But in return, we need you to never again write about youth sports. Yes, parents yell too much at their kids' soccer games. OK, some youth coaches put an overemphasis on winning. We get it. Your 20-year crusade, in which you seemingly write about the subject once a week, has accomplished exactly zero. Parents still yell at umpires. Parents still hire $100-an-hour batting coaches for their Little Leaguers. It's the way of the Homo Sapiens. Get used to it. Our advice is to move on with your career ... such as it is.

C.W. Nevius Archive [San Francisco Chronicle]