Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise

Worst Damn Knife Thrower Nearly Kills His Assistant

This happened on some sort of Lithuanian talent show, and I very nearly broke out into a cold sweat while watching it.

What we have here is a dude who throws knives attempting to hit targets that are arrayed around his assistant, because the throwing-knives-at-people-but-not-hitting-them routine is a thing that always comes off way cool and badass in movies. It does not, however, come off way cool and badass when the guy throwing the knives is Lithuanian Mr. Magoo, and the guy on the receiving end of the knives nearly loses his life.

Nothing too terrifying happens at the start of the routine, but you can see every ounce of confidence drain from my dude with the ponytail's body as he realizes his partner can't actually throw knives very well. Like, not well at all.


First blood is drawn at the 1:17 mark, when the drunk high school gym teacher who somehow convinced a TV studio full of people that he is a professional knife thrower grazes the poor bastard's finger. After a few more incompetently thrown knives, the guy almost gets his other finger taken off at the 1:30 mark.

And then come the flaming knives. God, no, why isn't anyone stopping this?! The psychotic bald man manages to not hit his partner with any flaming knives, thank God, but he also manages to miss just about every single target. This guy is the worst!

Then it's time for the finale. A watermelon is placed above the young dude's head and oh holy Christ he nearly gets a knife put through his fucking eye. The watermelon remains undisturbed.

After the horror show is over, the judges have what I assume to be some very harsh criticism for the Bad Knife Man. Criticism that I assume included phrases like Are you drunk right now? and Please, sir, just put down the knives. and Is anyone calling the police? Meanwhile, the guy who just nearly died stands there and leaks blood all over the stage. His abusive partner casually tries to mop it up with his foot at the 4:45 mark.


[Daily Mail]

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