Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise

You, Dim PR Person, Are Dumb And Should Be Fired Part 4: NBA Finals Edition

Illustration for article titled You, Dim PR Person, Are Dumb And Should Be Fired Part 4: NBA Finals Edition

PR people are stupid. Not all of them, just some of them. Like this person, who just sent this pitch into our tips box to pimp the book "She's Got Game." Because they are dumb.

Hi A.J.,

Finally, a straight forward, simple guide to sports that will have any woman turning the page and scouring the local listings for the next game in her area! She's Got Game is the last guide you'll need for sports - from what to wear to look great at the game or sports bar, to terms you'll need to know, to basic and advanced rules of the game.

Impressing your boyfriend is just the beginning. Soon, women readers everywhere will be head over (high)heels for sports. Melissa Malamut's "She's Got Game: The Woman's Guide to Loving Sports" is a veteran journalist and sports industry professional, and is also great in front of the camera. She could give her NBA Finals tips in the short term, or could do a fun baseball story anytime this summer.

Just in time for the NBA Finals or the local baseball team hitting their stride, veteran journalist and author Melissa Malamut offers phone interviews, bullet pointed tips, and book excerpts to give women everything they need to feel at ease around sports. Please see her NBA tips below, the book offers similar tips for all sports that Melissa can address for your audience.

NBA Finals Talking Points
The Girlie Girls Guide to Basketball

The NBA has a Dress Code. Why Wouldn't You?
* Pro basketball is the most stylish and dressiest sport. It's really the only sport (maybe with the exception of hockey) where you can get away with high heels. Even stilettos.

* You can wear anything from team gear to your work suit. Fashion-conscious females in the basketball business suggest jeans, a cardigan and heeled boots, stylish flats or city sneakers. The season goes from winter to summer but the climate controlled 72-degree arenas never change.

* The players have a dress code they must adhere to when on team or league business off the court. The dress code was implemented in 2005 when league officials thought the NBA's image was tarnished. Tips for Female Fans

* Best time to leave the seats (or the couch) to not miss the action: Obviously halftime. Time in between quarters is short (only about two minutes.)

* Best time to leave the seats (or the couch) for the shortest lines for the bathroom/food: Beginning of the second quarter and beginning of the fourth quarter. You may miss some game play, but the lines will be short and you'll avoid the halftime rush.

* When to cheer/not to cheer: You cheer on your team throughout the game whether they are on offense or defense. But when a member of your team is shooting free throws it is customary not to cheer so he can concentrate.

Lingo - Shout it loud
* And one! - Shout when a member of your team is fouled while shooting and he makes the basket. He now has the chance for a three-point play by earning a foul shot.

* Denied! - Yell it after a member of your team blocks a shot.

* Airball! - When the other team shoots and the ball misses the hoop, backboard and rim completely. Touches "nothing but air". Slowly shout, "Aiiiiiiiir-baaaaal!"

* Brick! - Shout it after the other team shoots an ugly looking shot that clanks off the rim or backboard Terms to know

* Travel - "Too many steps" A violation if a player takes more than two steps without dribbling (bouncing the ball to the court) or moves his pivot foot (one foot must be planted to the ground when not dribbling). The team that commits a travel loses possession of the ball.

* Double dribble - When a player stops and then restarts a dribble or uses both hands. The team that commits this violation loses possession.

* Swish - "Nothing but net" When a shot goes right through the basket and touches nothing but the net. Makes a noise that sounds like "swish".

* Bench points - Points scored by non-starters.

* Shot clock - "The 24 second clock" is the time a team has to make a basket. The ball must at least hit the rim before the clock expires or they lose possession. If the shooting team gets their own rebound (takes control of the ball after a missed shot), they get a new 24 second clock.

* The NBA Finals is a best of seven series. The team that wins four games first wins.

* The Eastern Conference champion plays the Western Conference champion.

* The game has four 12 minute quarters.

* A 15 minute halftime occurs after the conclusion of the second quarter.

* The guys on the court play both offense and defense.

* The game is played five on five - two guards, two forwards and a center

* Players are substituted (in and out of the game) the entire time.

* A regular basket is worth two points. A shot outside the three-point arc is worth three, and free throws shot from the line are worth one.

Thanks! Other things that could be put on this list include:

* It's called "basketball" but not the type of basket you're probably familiar with — like one you'd use for picnicking, holding fruit, or disposing of waste.


* Basketball players are abnormally tall.

* The ball used in basketball is round.


Thanks for your continued support of Deadspin. Dash will join you later for a night cap.

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