Sports News Without Access, Favor, Or Discretion

As you might have heard, NBC is bringing back "American Gladiators" as a midseason replacement this year. This is, of course, outstanding news, though we have a feeling they'll make everybody cut their hair.

If you'd like to be a contestant on the show, NBC has a big questionnaire to fill out, and they want all kinds of details. Sample questions:

What is the next milestone in your life if you don't make the show?
How long have you been in your current relationship?
Have you ever had any experiences that traumatized you? If yes, please explain.
What conversation topics are "off limits" for you at a dinner party?
In the lines below, write a short poem or rap.


It's 22 pages, and, sadly, requires only one poem or rap. (And a drawing of yourself.) This show's gonna rule.

American Gladiators Application [NBC]

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