Sports News Without Access, Favor, Or Discretion

Hey guys, remember back when you'd go to the drive-thru at McDonald's, and you had to, like, read the menu and, like, pick some stuff to eat, and then friggin' tell the guy what you wanted, and then you drove up to the window and opened your mouth and they fired all the food at your face with a giant slingshot? Man, those were Bummer Times. I am so glad that the good people at McDonald's have finally come up with some way to package two quarter-pounders, two containers of fries, and a 20-piece McNuggets together so that they can be conveyed to my hands instead of my face. Some kind of white disposable container made from the pulped remains of trees and festooned with McDonald's- and corporate partner-branding. With, like, handles. What? No. I have no idea what you are talking about. I am not familiar with this [finger-quotes]bag[finger-quotes] device to which you refer, but clearly this is not one of those, and clearly they do not already have literally trillions of them.

I don't know about you guys, but I'm looking forward to the day when I can finally have a synthetic, McDonald's food-secreting gland implanted in my esophagus, to really simplify the transaction.


Share This Story

Get our newsletter