We have not played golf in five years; we pretty much only play at bachelor parties, which is why people always make fun of us at bachelor parties. (This is not the only reason.) But when we do play, we're Charles Bronson in The Great Escape: We're digging tunnels.

Idiots like us, who can't hit a golf ball without bringing half the earth flying in the air, are the reason the great St. Andrews golf course is in serious trouble. Apparently, so many golfers are whacking up divots that specialists have been called in to repair all the damage.

Frankly, being able to destroy someone else's lawn is one of our favorite parts of golf. But this is another reason we don't play golf; it seems rude.

St. Andrews Being Gouged By God-Awful Golfers [Sports By Brooks]