The Commentist Manifesto Is A Living Document

To keep the comments as fresh and outstanding as they've been up to this point, we've commissioned Commenting Guru Rob Iracane, co-editor of Walk Off Walk, to write a bi-weekly Comment Ombudsman column. It runs every other week. This is that week.

Mr. Iracane is the guy who approves and deletes comments around here, and the fellow to whom you should address any comment account requests, and he will explore issues involved in commenting, what makes a great comment thread, what's working, what isn't, answer your questions, so on. We want the place to continue to be as much fun as it is every day, and it's not an execution thread like our friends at Gawker do. We like to be inclusive here, because if we're not, we'd be forced to rely on our own wit and knowledge, and that's a scary thought indeed.

So here's this week's column, on changes to the famed Commentist Manifesto, after the jump. Of course, don't be afraid to let him have it in the comments.

In case you think I'm the only one who has ever penned critical columns about commenting on Deadspin, I'd ask you to take an trip back to September 2006. Yes, it's been nearly two years since the tyrannical threesome of Unsilent Majority, Big Daddy Drew and Captain Caveman cobbled together some wacky ideas and formulated the Commentist Manifesto. They gave us the single most important rule of Deadspin, "Be funny and do not not be funny," but did you know they also gave us ten other rules?

Sure, we sometimes ignore one or two of them on a regular basis. Shame! But really, the commenting culture at Deadspin has changed significantly over the past two years. We've had more commenters and comments get posted more quickly. Sheer volume is quite difficult to deal with. This is why I propose that we make the Commentist Manifesto a living and breathing document. I realize that many of you have been around long enough to have these rules shoved down your throat, but let's make them more palatable and add or subtract to the list.

For example, rule number six states:

"6. Thou shalt not comment a million times in one thread (again, unless thou art Unsilent)."

Well yes, this is still cromulent. However, comment numbers have exploded since 2006, so I don't see any problem with making multiple funny comments on a single post. If you've got it, flaunt it. If you don't, shut the hell up. I've urged you time and time again to not namedrop Nibbles or repeat jokes, so maybe we should alter this rule to say something like "Thou shalt make extra comments only if you are not repeating jokes or cursing out the goddamn server (that isn't really a stupid hamster) for not posting your comment immediately so why are you saying stupid stuff like that, Ghosts of the 7-Up Country?" Or do you think we should avoid run-on sentences in the Manifesto? I don't know, I'm just the combudsman and I'd like to know what you commenters (and non-commenters!) think.

So consider the Commentist Manifesto to be just like the United States Constitution, except with dick jokes and without granting inalienable rights. It's a living, breathing document, so let's say we add to it a bit. Footsteps Falco would have wanted it that way. What suggestions do you folks have?

These commenters might give you some ideas because they made the Comments of the Fortnight:

Re: Kevin Millar's Orioles Magic
OchentaYcinco: I thought Orioles Magic was when Peter Angelos made 85% of Camden Yards' crowds disappear.

Re: Some pretty Canadian lady
Andre Roussimoff: I'd deux deux deux her.

Re: Pat Sajak Bobblehead Giveaway Night
Gourmet Spud: It was supposed to be Ray Combs Night, but the bobbleheads got hung up in production.