"A Cuyahoga County sheriff's deputy was charged today with menacing and public indecency stemming from two summer incidents in the Cleveland Metroparks' Rocky River Reservation. Paul Lawrence, 32, is accused of masturbating in his car on June 12 and following two women on Aug. 29, a day he had called in sick." [Plain…

This image is brought to you by tipster Kent D. Here's what he had to say about "Wolfie":

Originally published May 25, 2006

New Orleans is certainly a wild and wacky place, but that doesn't mean you can go around waving your junk at women in public willy-nilly, even if you're a member of the New Orleans Saints.

Santa Barbara police arrested a "middle-aged male" for masturbating in the parking lot where the Santa Barbara City College softball team was practicing. Carl Monday is not amused.

You know, it's really annoying when athletes-masturbating-in-libraries stories break in the evening and we have to wait until morning to write about them. If we can't be your leader in library masturbation coverage, we're not sure what our point is.

It's the news you dared not hope was true: Nearly 10 years after it was introduced in San Francisco, the Masturbate-A-Thon is making its triumphant return. To The Netherlands! What took you so long, Dutch people? (Carl Monday dons raincoat, sounds the Action 4 News Team alert). Oh, like you had anything better to do.

Guess who's back, folks ... GUESS WHO'S BACK?!

When we stumbled across the infamous Carl Monday / Mike Cooper / library masturbation story more than a year ago, we were stunned when we learned that the Deadspin Hall of Famer had, in fact, won several Emmys. Could this be right? Was the library story just a rare misstep in a career of legitimate muckraking…

Technically speaking, our old pal Carl Monday is contractually obliged to stay off the air until October after switching stations in Cleveland. But there is corruption to be uncovered, and evildoers to be apprehended! And he's not about to let a silly non-compete clause stand in the way of finding the TRUTH!

A few months ago, we told how our old friend Carl Monday was taking on a new gig with a new station. Well, he's fortifying for his investigations; he's hiring an assistant, and that assistant could be you.

As we close the book on Super Bowl XLI and look forward to the future, we think it's important to remember where we came from, who shaped us and made us who we are today. We're talking of course about the great Carl Monday, who announced over the weekend that he's jumping ship and heading to a new Cleveland television…

And here we are, the matchup we are personally most curious about, the one featuring the infamous Carl Monday and good ole Barbaro, who would be a late charger if only his hoof would grow. We have been looking forward to this one since this got started.