How To Make Perlo, The Deep South's Best Take On Chicken And Rice

Here’s the thing about South Carolina: if you drive far enough inland from the ocean, you will run out of fingers on which to count highway billboards threatening you with ultimatums like “Accept Jesus Or Burn In Hell.” Not a whole lot to recommend the place once you get out of earshot of the surf.
»8/01/15 12:46pm8/01/15 12:46pm

Oh God, What Is Croup, Does My Kid Have It, Oh God Oh God Oh God

Parenting a small child means, of course, doubling the number of people whose well being is your responsibility. This can be difficult, for a Wearer Of A Garbage Bag Because You Forgot To Buy Laundry Soap For The 27th Consecutive Week—for someone who has arrived, mostly by accident, deep in the swamp of real-deal… »7/06/15 11:57am7/06/15 11:57am

How To Cook A Brisket, Which Is Totally Worth The Effort, I Swear

Just once in your life, cook a brisket, over smoky charcoal heat, on the grill. Do it for the solemn pride of having done so, and for the rime of authority it will lend to your future haughty pronouncements on the quality of others’ briskets. Do it because brisket—a massive cut of tough working muscle from the chest… »7/03/15 2:39pm7/03/15 2:39pm

How To Grill A Whole Fish, Because It's Just The Best Thing To Do

There are many good reasons for grilling whole fish. The skin and bones keep the flesh moist and flavorful; the skin itself, when cooked well, is life-changingly delicious; whole fish stands up better to grilling heat than a fillet or fish steak will; whole fish usually costs less by weight than the portioned stuff;… »5/16/15 11:41am5/16/15 11:41am

How To Make Hollandaise Sauce, And Defy The Brunch-Industrial Complex

Hollandaise sauce is the lifeblood of the brunch-industrial complex. You want brunch—which is to say, you want eggs Benedict, the totemic brunchstuff, and maybe like some strawberries or quiche or whatever else goes with brunch? I dunno, I just really want some eggs Benedict, and it’s 11:30 already—but don’t know how… »4/18/15 10:59am4/18/15 10:59am

How To Smoke Salmon: Mystical Alchemy From The Majestic West

Pity the poor East Coast rat racer. Look at him, pouring out of the subway with his sooty, bedraggled kin, lurching through ill-lit corridors, past dripping pipes and glaring widows just missing him with the splash of their chamberpots. There he is, spending $12 on a substandard turkey sub. Here he goes, hat brim… »3/27/15 2:16pm3/27/15 2:16pm

How To Cook Some Tasty (For Once!) Cabbage, For St. Patrick's Day

I love St. Patrick's Day. I know it's terribly unfashionable to admit so, but I love it all: I love the wearing of the green, I love the dogs in costume, I love the KISS ME I'M IRISH buttons. Give me a pair of glittered, bobbly shamrocks affixed to a headband and I'm one bonny Irish lass. The green beer? Hell yes.… »3/17/15 1:54pm3/17/15 1:54pm

How To Make Mashed Cauliflower, Because It Goddamn Tastes Great

This article originally appeared on October 12, 2013. I'm republishing it today because I went on an insane cauliflower kick this week, and also for the lesser reason that I couldn't find good ingredients for what I wanted to cook. If you're looking for something especially St. Patrick's Day-ish, put some chopped… »3/14/15 1:11pm3/14/15 1:11pm

How To Make Arrabbiata Sauce, The Angriest, Loveliest Sauce Of All

Picture, in your mind, a mundane interaction between any two regular, essentially happy Italian people. One purchasing a packet of chewing gum from the other, for example. Can you picture it? The screaming, the wild gesticulating, the red faces, the flashing whites of crazed eyes and bared teeth, the elaborate… »2/28/15 12:31pm2/28/15 12:31pm

How To Make Soft-Boiled Eggs: A Minute To Learn, Two Minutes To Master

The weird thing about soft-boiled eggs is the widespread misconception that they're so much trickier to make than their hard-boiled brethren. Done right, they're really not much trickier at all. Easier than stuffing 1,200 words of padding into an instructional blog post about making them, that's for damn sure! »2/21/15 12:03pm2/21/15 12:03pm

How To Throw, And Survive, A Six-Year-Old's Birthday Party

You can get away with the extended-family-plus-cake setup for your kid's first, oh, four or even five birthdays. Sure, you might invite one or two chums from preschool or the neighborhood, or the close-in-age cousins, but really: So long as there are candles to blow out, cake to eat, presents to open, and… »2/20/15 1:13pm2/20/15 1:13pm

How To Cook Valentine's Day Dinner, Like You Damn Well Should

The first thing to know about cooking for Valentine's Day is that the list of occasion-appropriate food preparations you'll find below was made in consultation with a woman, the only blemish on whose otherwise immaculate record of good taste and judgment is her baffling and indefensible decision to marry an unkempt… »2/14/15 1:10pm2/14/15 1:10pm

How To Cook A Bunch Of Good Food For The Super Bowl Party

So the Super™ Bowl® is here, and that means some sucker—maybe even you!—will be hosting a Super™ Bowl® party which they will feel weirdly obligated to refer to as a "Big Game" party, because the NFL likes to sue people for liking it. You will have to bring something to this shindig—especially if you are hosting… »1/31/15 12:40pm1/31/15 12:40pm

How To Bake Bay Scallops, And Prove That Size Isn't Everything

Seems like bay scallops get kind of a raw deal, doesn't it? At my local purveyor of seafoods, the big honkin' fist-sized sea scallops get a place of honor in the glass display case, while the bay scallops are stuck over in the freezer across the way, packed by the dozens into grim plastic bags, frozen, largely… »1/24/15 11:55am1/24/15 11:55am

How To Make Sausage And Peppers: A Guide For The Stir Crazy

This column originally ran on February 16, 2013. However, I've been laid up with strep throat for the past few days, so I'm resurrecting it, both because I haven't been able to cook at all this week, and also because this is what I will cook and eat as soon as I am able to swallow things again. »1/17/15 11:46am1/17/15 11:46am

How To Survive An Office Meeting: A Guide For Sad Drones

One of the terrors of the modern office job is the meeting, wherein everyone in a particular business unit of a company converges to sit around a sad, grey conference table to recite terms like report and action item and iteration and suboptimal at each other in the hope that these will conjure, magically, a pile of… »1/13/15 10:35am1/13/15 10:35am