deadspin-how-to Page 7 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
How To Cook Lobster Tails: A Guide For People Who Don't Have Butlers To Do All The Work
Somewhere along the way, lobster became the symbol of gustatory luxury. You picture your stereotypical Person Of Means sitting down to a feast—me, I always picture olde-tymey plutocrats in top hats and tails, monocled, even the women and babies, because my experience of society's upper class begins ...
How To Make Chicken Soup: A Guide For The Flu-Stricken, I.E., Every Goddamn One Of You
So you've got the flu; I've got the flu; your significant other and/or kids and/or parakeets have the flu; everybody's got the flu. One of the annoying things about the flu, after, y'know, the raging fever and the intractable body aches and the weakness and your pores turning into disgusting sweat-h...
Taste Test: The Portable Yogurt That Isn't
Go-Gurt's charmingly daft, hilariously unappetizing name implies its creation myth: the notion that, out there in the world, there were consumers who liked feeding their kids delicious, nutritious yogurt, but were frustrated by its cripplingly immobile nature—"I need a portable, on-the-go yogurt!" ...
How To Make Shrimp Linguine: A Guide For Lovers
Look. Wonderful as these foodstuffs are, it's not all pot roasts and chili and disturbingly alien holiday candies out there in the world of eating; nor should it be in your kitchen. Sometimes you're not looking to spend all day slow-cooking some large quantity of rich, meaty food to serve to a lot o...
The Public Humiliation Diet: A How-To
Originally published May 24, 2010....
How To Make A Bean Dip: A Guide For New Year's Eve Partygoers Who Are Getting Too Old For This Shit
One of the things that changes when you become a haggard, grayfaced grownup is how you spend New Year's Eve. When you were a hip, attractive, energetic young person, you spent the night traipsing between crowded, noisy bars, meeting interesting people and talking excitedly about your plans for the f...
How To Cook A Pot Roast: A Guide For People Who Want To Live, Dammit
Somewhere along the way, it got common to treat Christmas dinner like Thanksgiving II: This Time Without Turkey—like a big showpiece meal for which amateur cooks are meant to serve up some impressive exotic culinary masterpiece far outside the bounds of their humble repertoire of comfort foods. Take...
How To Make Your Own Mac And Cheese: A Guide For Mad Scientists
Folks, making homemade macaroni and cheese is a pain in the ass. It takes forever and there are a million steps involved and you have to have flour and you have to shred cheese and even if you don't have to know annoying French words like roux and béchamel, ugh, you still have to make the things the...
How To Eat Your Leftovers: A Guide For Slobs
The morning following Thanksgiving is a bleary, cotton-mouthed, dead-eyed time—a time for questions, a time of Reckoning. "Oh, Jesus, how much did I drink yesterday?" and, "Am I going to die?" and, "Why do I keep doing this to myself?" and, "Am I in Fort Worth? How did I come to be in Fort Worth?" T...
Eating: A Strategic Guide
How does one eat a Thanksgiving meal? On its face this might seem like a ridiculous question, and also everywhere else too. I mean, who doesn't know how to eat? (Excepting the British, of course.) Thanksgiving is marked, more than anything else, by its abundance of tasty foodstuffs; practically spea...
How To Improvise A Last-Minute Feast: A MacGyver's Guide To Thanksgiving
Oh, shit. Thanksgiving is here? Already?...
How To Make A Thanksgiving Side Dish: A Guide For Slackers And Overgrown Children
So Thanksgiving is right around the corner, and if you're lucky, somebody the hell else is hosting it. Lost amid all the talk in recent years of various turkey-cooking methods—the relative merits of roasting versus deep-frying; whether to brine the bird or cook it upside down or baste it every few f...
How To Make A Meatloaf That Doesn't Suck: A Guide For Unrefined Hedonists
It seems fair to say that meatloaf does not enjoy the very best reputation among foodstuffs. You tend to think of it as something harried parents make, and when their kids ask what's for dinner and are told, they say, "Aw, meatloaf?" and then smother it in ketchup and glumly pick at it with their fo...
How To Make Nachos: A Guide For The Daring
You go to a ballpark or amusement park or carnival and ask for some nachos, and you get a plastic tub with three compartments: a large one holding a fistful of tortilla chips, and smaller ones holding, respectively, molten cheese-food and a tablespoon of canned dog food that you are obliged to prete...
How To Improvise A Meal Out Of Whatever Crap You Have In Your Pantry: A Guide For Ill-Prepared Hurricane Shut-Ins
By now you’ve taken all the standard hurricane precautions—closing the drapes, double-checking to make sure you have an umbrella in your coat closet, duct-taping your pets to the walls, and so on—but you’re at a loss when it comes to the most important challenge of a natural disaster: what to do wit...
How To Eat Halloween Candy: A Guide And A Power Ranking For Sad Adults
That the Snickers bar is the best of all candy bars is a point so obvious and unassailable that it needn't be argued here. What's odd and paradoxical-seeming, and thus noteworthy, is that its superiority is the precise reason why the Snickers is not the best candy bar for Halloween. That is to say, ...
How To Make French Toast: A Guide For People Who Are Not Insane
Let's make French toast!...
How To Drink Red Bull Total Zero: Not At All
The first thing you notice about the experience of drinking Red Bull Total Zero is the dread: ice-cold, sweaty-palm dread, bone deep, and you're still at least a half-hour away from popping the top and actually swallowing the stuff. ...
How To Make Chili: A Guide For People Who Aren't Anti-Bean Zealots Or Elitist Scum
It's weird that we fight about chili. ...
How To Eat The New Candy Corn Oreo (Which Isn't As Gross As It Sounds)
Candy corn, folks at home: candy corn sucks. This is neither an ideological nor a conceptual complaint; that is to say, candy corn sucks not because it (almost certainly) originated in some steamy, foul-smelling, nightmarish industrial wasteland, or because it is artificially flavored, or because i...